Squeeze a little tighter

While rocking Wyatt to sleep tonight, I held him extra tight as I allowed my mind to drift back to that day in February when Jared and I were told that we were going to lose both of our boys.  It's been awhile since I let myself really think about that day.  I have never felt more helpless than I did then.  But I have also never felt stronger.  It was interesting feeling two polar opposite emotions at the same time.  Today marks 9 months since we lost our Michael... I miss that little guy so much.  I wonder what he's up to right now.  I wonder... when a baby dies does their spirit look like a baby and get to grow up in Heaven, or do they look like an adult?  I kind of think that their spirit is viewed how you need to see them.  Michael has visited me twice since he left.  The first time he was an adult comforting me and the second as a child.  I so wish I could have saved him, but I'm grateful that I was at least able to keep Wyatt.  I'm glad I listened to my heart and did what I knew needed to be done for him.  I feel so blessed to have him in my life, he really is the sweetest little boy ever.  And I can't believe he's already going to be 7 months old tomorrow.