One notch looser

Today my belt was officially too tight in it's normal resting place.  

I had to loosen it one notch.  

To me, this is a good sign that I am getting a little bigger :)  I still don't show {which is great since I'm only 7 weeks along} and I haven't gained any weight, actually, that's kind of a lie.  When I was doing all the injections I gained about 4 lbs that I haven't been able to shake.  But since the embryo transfer I haven't gained any weight, also normal.  

I still haven't had what most would classify as "morning sickness" but I have what I like to call, all day long tummy hurt.  Some days I feel great, but the days that I feel kind of gross, I feel gross all day long.  No throwing up or anything, just a constant tummy ache.

It sucks.

I still have almost no appetite at all.  I think I must have really eaten a lot of food before I got pregnant, but I haven't heard my stomach growl for about... since I can remember I guess.  My stomach is constantly talking to me but my head doesn't want me to eat anything.  And nothing sounds good.  I've never really considered myself a picky eater, but I have definitely become a picky eater since I've been pregn... OH NO!!!!!!  It's the Barney curse!!!  Dang it!  As I'm writing, it just dawned on me that Jared and ALL of his brothers are picky.  One of them eats hardly any fruits or veggies, and don't put a banana anywhere near one of them or something bad might happen.  They are all meat and potatoes men.  And seasoning?  What's seasoning?

My babies are definitely Barney babies.  Poo.

At least I still like Mint chip ice cream.  I've decided it might be one of my pregnancy staples.

Don't give candy to a baby

The other night Jared and I both didn't feel very good so we went to bed around 9:30.  I woke up around 3 am to Jared snoring.  This man really doesn't snore, so I knew he was congested, but I was tired and was having a hard time feeling sympathetic.  I made him turn over and face the other direction so he at least wasn't snoring in my face anymore and then laid in bed for the next 30 minutes seriously contemplating moving to the couch.

Then I had 2 dreams.

Dream #1

Our babies were probably a couple of months old and I was trying to find a mothers lounge of some sort so I could change their diapers.  I found one, but there was no changing table anywhere to be found.  Just a TON of beds.  So I thought "screw it" and laid one of the babies down on a bed to change their diaper.  Some lady comes over and freaks out on me telling me that I have to use a changing table.

Sigh.

So I go around and around, this place is freaking huge, and there is no changing table to be found.  So I found a bed that was in a corner that the lady couldn't see and starting changing the baby.

Then I realized that I hadn't changed the baby for like 3 days.

And THEN I realized I hadn't FED the baby for a couple of days.

I felt like the most terrible mother ever.

I felt like I was completely inadequate for the task of raising one baby let alone two.

Dream #2

Jared and I had just brought our babies home from the hospital.

I don't remember what I was doing, but when I turned back around Jared had given a piece of chocolate candy bar to our little girl 

{I wonder if that's a sign, lol}

I freaked out and yelled at him that you don't give candy to babies.  Especially brand new babies and what the heck was he thinking?!  I took the candy from her and she immediately started to cry.  Jared was all, "See? She likes it."  Sighhhhhhhhhhh.

When I woke up I was all ticked off and I told Jared he'd better not give our kids chocolate until they were older.  He just laughed at me and was all, so I guess you dreamed about that last night?

Sometimes my dreams are too realistic.

I'm 7 weeks down and already stressing about silly things that won't even happen... I need to breathe.

The first ultrasound

Well today was my first official ultrasound as a pregnant lady :)

Dr. Wilcox was in an especially jokey mood today.

He said it looked like there was 5 babies in there from my HCG and Estrogen/Progesterone levels, lol

He was all, maybe the lab screwed up and gave me the tube with 6 embryos and they only froze 2.  If there's 5 babies in there I'm going straight to the lab!

He started the ultrasound and we saw this beautiful image.

 We are having twins! <3

We seriously couldn't be prouder right now.

Here's little baby A

 We got to hear both of their little heartbeats.

They beat so fast!

Here's baby B

When you have twins, baby A is the one closer to the cervix.

Baby A because he/she will be born first. :)

My official due date is July 16th.

When you have twins they tend to come a little early, so I'll expect my little jelly beans sometime between then and the end of June.

And Jared is finally excited. 

On the way home he was talking about if the babies are both boys then he'll teach them baseball and one can be short stop and one can play second and they will dominate the in-field :)  

He's so cute.  And he's seriously going to be the best dad ever.

I love that man.

The not fun stuff

Okay ladies, don't hate, but I have some amazing family genes.

My Grandma Pope only had morning sickness with baby #1 out of 11.

My mom only had morning sickness with one of my siblings.

So far, I have not experienced anything that I would classify as morning sickness.

Like... at all.
{I've had random tummy hurts, but I just eat a cracker or a banana and I'm great again}

I think it's in part to my amazing family genes, but I also really believe that it's because I started preparing for this pregnancy before it started.  By the time the embryo transfer was done, I had been taking prenatal vitamins for almost 3 months.  I'm convinced that it has helped make for an easier pregnancy.

Some things that I've really noticed so far is:
-If I stand up too quickly then I get woozy and have to steady myself. 
-I get tired SUPER fast.  If I'm up doing something for 5-10 minutes it really wears me out.  Totally makes me feel like a big fat fatty, but I know that most of my energy is going to making my little jelly beans grow big and strong.
AND

Apparently when you're pregnant... you forget everything.

And when I say everything...

I really do mean everything.

People told me that I would be forgetful.  But I didn't realize that it would be THIS early in the pregnancy!
I can't even remember who I talked to yesterday.

The other day I put all of my clothes away and when I tried to tell Jared "Look!  I put all of my clothes away" all that came out was "Look away...?"  Jared was like... "You want to try that again? haha"

When I was making dinner last week I would think of something I needed and by the time I got to the other side of the kitchen I was like... why did I come over here?... That happened at least 3 times within 5 minutes.

Also
-I'm not sure if I'm going to be the only one on this one,
but I have had NO appetite.
None.
Which is totally unlike me.  I love food.  Like, eating great food is one of my favorite things to do {and when I say great, I don't necessarily mean 'healthy'.  French fries top my list of great food, lol}
I've basically had to force myself to eat enough food.
When I was heading home a couple of nights ago I was counting up the calories I had eaten for the day in my head and realized I'd only eaten about 1200 for the entire day.  So when I got home I forced myself to eat and entire box of Mac & Cheese so that I could get my 1800 calories for the day.
{I need 1500 to maintain my body weight and then 300 for baby... unless I'm having twins... then I'll have to eat another 300/day for a total of 2100.}
I wish it didn't feel like a chore to eat something.
Maybe it's because I always feel a little sick after I eat anything.
I'm trying to eat smaller meals throughout the day, so hopefully that will help.

And now my most hated symptom so far...
I've had cramps for the entire pregnancy so far.  I know it's in part to having an overstimulated ovary {which is finally starting to go down} and I know that there is a lot going on inside my body right now, but whenever I get a cramp I freak out a little bit that it means I'm having a miscarriage.
And then Friday night I spotted.
I had a really hard time not freaking out, but I had Jared and his dad come over and they gave me a blessing.
I haven't spotted again since. :)
I feel a lot better now.

Anyway, TWO days until the ultrasound!!!  Can't wait to see how many we're having!
People have asked if I'll be disappointed if we have one baby instead of two.
NOPE!
I'm going to be so stoked if our IVF is successful to a full term pregnancy.
It would be fun to have twins, but I think that there are pros and cons in either scenario so I'm just excited for whatever happens.

One month and counting

One month in, eight to go.

I think it's great that your pregnancy "starts" from your last menstrual cycle.

It's almost like you get 2 weeks for free.

Actually, the first month is pretty much free.

Two weeks before your cycle and then the other two after most people don't know that they're pregnant and then a few days after a missed cycle, you take a pregnancy test and boom.  Pregnant.

So yeah, first month is totally free.

You don't gain any weight.

You don't have weird cravings yet.

You probably don't have morning sickness yet.

You don't show...

I can't wait until I start showing :)  

I say that now.... but we'll see how I feel about it when none of my clothes fit me.  At least there are cute maternity clothes now and I won't have to wear a mu-mu or something completely unflattering like that.

I can't believe I'll already be six weeks on Saturday. :)

This whole being pregnant thing is pretty much amazing.

It's hard to believe that this is really happening.

Pregnancy test #2 - Results

Yesterday I went in to HRC for pregnancy test #2.

I think they like to do two tests to confirm that the different hormone levels are increasing like they should.

Great news, I'm still pregnant :)

Here are my new numbers:

HCG: 7821.8 

{last week is was 546.2}
Progesterone: 399.48
Estrogen: 2571.2

Soooo... what do these numbers mean?

According to HRC, and my dad
multiples.

Dr. Wilcox doesn't want to wait 3-4 weeks to do an ultrasound.
He wants me in next week. :)
We're pretty excited.
He's having us in to verify that there are in fact multiples and to see how many.

Did you know that you can see your baby's heartbeat through a vaginal ultrasound at just 6 weeks pregnant?

We'll get to see our little babies heartbeat{s} next week!
Eek!!!

I'm trying soooo hard not to just tell everyone I know that I'm having twins because it hasn't been verified yet... but the numbers really do speak volumes.

I can't wait until next week!

Overprotective

I think that there is a very big possibility that I am married to the most overprotective soon to be daddy.

You want proof?

Okay, here are some examples of late;

-We were going somewhere and I told him to go ahead and back out of the driveway so I could shut the gate "You're pregnant, get in the car.  My dad can shut the gate."

-I was standing on a chair putting away something "You probably shouldn't stand up on chairs anymore.  Actually, you're NOT allowed to stand on chairs anymore.  If you fell you could hurt the baby."
{Um... when have I ever fallen off of a chair? haha}

-I wanted to get Tommy's for lunch.  "You're going to feed that to our baby?!" I told him the bad stuff is just for me and the baby will get the good stuff.

-I'm not allowed to vaccuum
-I'm not allowed to pick practically ANYTHING up
-I'm not allowed to wash dishes yet
{when you do IVF you're on strict instructions to not do anything and Jared is definitely enforcing that}

Jared brings the laundry to the washing machine so I can wash it and then into the living room so I can fold it.
AND he puts the soap in the washer for me because apparently the bottle of Tide is too heavy. :)
He washes all of the dishes so that I will still make dinner.

The other day it was raining, and when it rains, the gutters in front of my work get to be about 1.5 feet wide with water, this particular day it was about 2 feet wide.  When I pulled up, he met me outside and carried me over the water so I wouldn't get my shoes wet.

And then...
The other day while washing dishes Jared told me that he was getting tired of cleaning and that maybe it is time to hire a maid, haha.

He's been soooo awesome through this entire process.  I am definitely one lucky girl to have him in my life. <3

Why in vitro?

Those in my life who know me well, know my history and why Jared and I are doing IVF to get our little family.

For those of you who never knew... here's the story.

December 11, 1989.

It was time to go home from my friends house.  We went out to the car but I couldn't get the door open.  I tried to stop my friends door from closing but all I got were my fingers slammed in the door.  As this happened, his mom started up the car so she couldn't hear my cries.  Since she thought I was in the car, she started backing down the driveway.  I was dragged down the driveway with the car until my left leg got caught under the front tire and as it crunched over my leg, my fingers were freed from the door.

As the car reached the street, my friends mom saw me laying in the driveway and in a panic she slammed on the gas instead of the brakes and went flying into the fence behind her.  Luckily neither of them were hurt.

She ran inside to call my mother as my friends dad picked me up and brought me back in and laid me on across a chair.  I remember his sister trying to put a band-aid on my throbbing leg and I kicked her away with my good leg while screaming at her to not touch me.

My mom arrived and rushed me to the hospital.  

I don't think she's driven so fast in her entire life.

When I arrived at the hospital, a doctor examined me.  All of my clothes had to come off and I've been told that when he tried to take off my underwear I slapped him right across the face.

After tests the doctors diagnosis was:

Left Leg - Broken

Stomach - Ruptured.

The doctor told my parents that I wouldn't make it.

When I was in recovery my mom told me that she could see all of my lunch in my tummy.  Some peanut butter and jelly sandwich here {and she would point to a part of my stomach} some milk here {point somewhere else} and lots and lots of chocolate chip cookies.

I was in the hospital for 11 days when the doctors allowed my parents to take me home.

That year for Christmas I got a little tykes shopping cart.  It helped me learn to walk again.

Here are some pictures from that time in my life.  I have to admit, I was a pretty cute little girl. :)
{I can't wait to see what our babies look like!}

My uncle gave me this Big Bird.  Totally still have it :)

The nurses liked to stick me in a wheelchair and walk me around the hospital.  One of the nurses would always share her orange with me.  They were awesome.

Daddy sleeping with me in my oxygen tent. <3

Fast forward to November 28, 2001.

I was fat.  My stomach had grown so much the past few months that I started wearing this fleece pullover every day.  Whether I was warm or not.  My stomach was getting bigger every day it seemed and it felt hard when I poked it.  I had no idea what was happening to me and I didn't like it.  Cramps were murder.  I remember shopping with my mom in Target one day and I literally dropped to the ground my cramps came on so bad.  But on this morning, November 28th.  I felt especially awful.  I told my parents I couldn't go to school and that I felt terrible.  My dad came in and asked what was wrong with me.  I told him my stomach hurt so so so so bad.  So, being a doctor, he started poking me around and then asked me if I was sexually active.  WHAT?!  NO.  No I wasn't.  He wanted to know if I was telling the truth, because apparently I looked and felt like I was 5-6 months pregnant.  I swore I wasn't.

My dad took me to the hospital where they did some tests and found that I had a very large cist that needed to be removed immediately.  Like, if it wasn't removed asap it could burst and I would die.  The cyst was the size of a NFL football.

The next day, my parents brought me in for emergency surgery.

I remember feeling like the worst person ever because it was my parents anniversary that day and I was ruining it for them.

A nurse had me change into one of those hospital gowns and I was left to sit in a wheelchair in this room with my parents until the operating room was ready.  Since I was freaking out they were kind enough to give me some medicine.  I don't know what it was called, but after I took the medicine I only remember the next minute.  Then I woke up in recovery.

When they opened me up in surgery, the doctor discovered that this cyst was HUGE.  The dr. thinks that this cyst was a result of my ruptured stomach.  It was attached to my bladder, my uterus, and my colon.  In the surgery the dr. detached everything, drained the cyst {which had about 2 liters of old blood in it, ew} and removed it.  Because everything was so squished together, my right ovary was accidentally removed.

My parents were told following the procedure that I might not be able to have children in the future.

Fast forward 5 years, I get married.

After 4 years of marriage we try to figure out why we aren't getting pregnant.

January 2010 - Met with an OBGYN to begin the 6 month process of tests and procedures to try and figure out exactly why we weren't getting pregnant.

July 2010 - OBGYN concludes that I will be a good candidate for IVF, and that will be the only way for me to have children.

August 16th 2010, we meet Dr. Wilcox and decide he will be our miracle worker.

And that is how we got where we are today.
3 weeks pregnant and counting! :)

{actually... I'm technically 5 weeks pregnant.  Apparently you're pregnancy is based off of your last menstrual cycle.  I wonder why.}

Is this for real?

I'm kind of in a weird phase right now.

Not sure if everything is real yet.

I've had two positive pregnancy tests....

yet all I want to do is go to the store and buy more.

No way am I actually pregnant.

We've wanted this for so long, how can the day actually be here?

I can't wait until I find out if I'll be having one or two little ones.

I can't wait to see their little pictures on the ultra sound

and then feel them move around inside my tummy.

I can't wait to find out if we're having a girl or a boy, or one or two of each.

I definitely feel pregnant now... even though it's hard to believe.

And every night I put my hand on my stomach and think

"Grow big and strong little embryos! Snuggle in and hang on tight!

Only nine months until I can hold you in my arms."

Home test slash the real test results.

I wrote the first part of this entry on Saturday and help off posting until today so that I could include both pregnancy tests. :)

So... It's 11 'o' clock on Saturday night.  Well, technically 10 'o' clock because it's daylight savings tomorrow.  Anyway, there are three days left until I go in for my pregnancy test.  I have one test left from when Jared and I were trying to get pregnant a couple of years ago, and I thought to myself, "why not?".

I asked Jared if I should take the test and he goes "YEAH! I want to know if you're pregnant!"  So I went for it.  I peed on the stick and watched the little hourglass 'think' for what seemed like forever.

And then it happened.

It said pregnant.

Now, I'm trying REALLY hard not to get too excited over this because there is the chance that this could be a false positive.  It happens.  But this test is the kind that you can take up to 4 days before your period... and this is the day after my period would have started... so in MY mind this thing has got to be pretty accurate and it's hard not to be excited.  The reason that I'm worried it might be a false positive, is because I'm taking estrogen and progesterone... but my dad says that these tests check your HCG level and I'm not taking anything for that.  Your HCG level is something that naturally increases when you're pregnant.

So here's to hoping this thing is right!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

 Today was the official pregnancy test.

At 5 this morning I was woken up by the phone ringing.  Confused, Jared and I started searching for the phone and missed the call. 

{I always forget to put the phone back on the charger, oops!}

When I found the phone I checked the caller ID and found that my family had been trying to reach me.  See, we have this tradition in my family that on your birthday everyone wakes you up by singing 'Happy Birthday'.  With the 2 hour time difference from Cali to STL, I usually get my call anywhere from 4-5 in the morning, haha.  So I called them back so they could sing to me and then went back to bed.

Got up at 7 and decided to take my time getting ready for the day.

I was told to come in any time between 7:30 and 11:30 for the pregnancy test and that since it was just blood work I didn't have to schedule a specific time.

So I had a big birthday worthy breakfast and took a nice long shower.  I didn't want to rush to get ready because I was already kind of freaking out about going in.  It felt sort of surreal that the day was finally here.  Plus what if the pregnancy test I took the other day was wrong?  I wish I had never taken that test... too late now.

I got to HRC at 10:00 and was in and out within 10 minutes.  The lab tech was funny, she asked which arm felt more pregnant and that she would take the blood from that one.  When she was done she told me to expect my phone call sometime after 3 this afternoon.

So I waited...

and waited...

I'm pretty sure that time actually slowed down.

I don't know how pregnant feels... but I think that I feel pregnant.  The doctor said that if I got pregnant my HCG level would go up, which would stimulate my ovary and make it swell a little bigger which would give me some cramping.  I've had cramping.

I've had cramping and a positive pregnancy test {so what if it expired in May? It will still be right... right?} so that means I have to be pregnant.

These were some of the thoughts that plagued my mind for 4 hours.

The call finally came at 12:56.
So glad because I seriously felt like I was going to puke from waiting.

Ana told me that my HCG levels needed to be higher than 50 order to be considered pregnant.  Mine are 546.2.  So I am quote "very pregnant"

YYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!

Today is definitely one of the best days of my life.

I'll go back for a retest in one week and I will have my first ultrasound a few weeks after that.

Best. Birthday. Ever.

The number 8

The number 8 has played a significant role in my life.

I was born on November 8th.

I met Jared on October 8th.

He proposed on February 18th.

We were married on July 28th.

Our first apartment was #8.

And today, the 8th of November, I will find out if I am pregnant.

Hopefully I will get my best birthday present ever today :)

Last weekend

I didn't do much last weekend because it rained a lot.  I did one secret thing I'll tell you about tomorrow but the only other eventful thing was that I got my hairs did.

You like?

I think I like it.  There aren't many people that I trust with my hair.  I trust my Aunt Krissy, my dear friend Hailey and this one lady back in STL that does my dads hair.  

Basically, this was kind of a big deal for me.  I had to trust a complete stranger that she wouldn't butcher my hair.  I might be a little vain when it comes to my hair.  I always want it to look good.  Hair is one of the first things I notice about people {and their teeth} and if it looks like they don't take care of those two things... ew.  I can't help but be a little grossed out.

I'm involved with the youth group in my church and a couple of these kids have the most terrible hygiene on the planet.  I feel really bad for them, because sometimes they just don't have the parental support at home, but come on, parents, you can make your teenager take a shower.  PLEASE make your teenager take a shower!  For the sake of the rest of the world make your teenager shower.  But furthermore... why wouldn't you want to shower?!  I've never understood people that have bad hygiene and I never will.  You are one of the most important people to you and you should treat yourself like it!

Okay I'm done with that rant now.

One more day until the pregnancy test!!!  

I may or may not be completely freaking out inside.  And I better be pregnant, because I practically pee every hour {including getting up at least 4 times during the night... too much info? sorry} and I have been completely exhausted 24/7 {my grandma told me that she was tired all. the. time. during her pregnancies}.

I'm pretty sure there's at least one baby in there.

I just have to wait one more day to find out for sure.

P.S. Forgot to post husband's Halloween costume the other day.

Here it is! :)

Did I mention he wore this to his softball game?  

And played the entire game in it?

I love this man!

Getting anxious

I was doing so good!  

I haven't been thinking about if I might be pregnant or not 24/7 like everyone told me I would be.  Of course I have the thought every day "Am I?" but I haven't been obsessing over it... until now.  

I feel like almost everyone I know is either pregnant, or just had their little baby.  I LOVE looking at pictures of the new babies and I love seeing pictures of mommy to be's with beautiful big bellies.  But I think the last blog I read was, hmmm, how do I even say this?  It was just so beautiful that my jealous level became higher than my 'I'm so excited for you that I'm not even thinking about me' level and I started thinking about me.  I want a baby sooooo bad.  I want to know if I'm pregnant.  I want to know if I get to be a mommy soon too!  I don't know how Jared can be so cool about all of this.  He acts like it doesn't even phase him.  Maybe it doesn't.  Apparently things affect men differently than women so maybe he really doesn't have a million different thoughts and feeling raging through his mind right now.

Oh well.  At least the first week of waiting didn't feel like forever.

I have 4 days left.  It doesn't sound long, but just saying it feels like it's forever away.

For the pregnancy test, they'll do bloodwork to check my HCG levels and such and that's how they can tell if I am pregnant or not.  Which means I won't get the call with the results until later in the afternoon.  Which means I'll have to wait allllll daaayyyyyy.

It will be the longest. day. ever.

But it will be worth it.

All of this will be sooooo worth it.  Now if I can just find something to distract myself with for the next 4 days....

Counting down...

Six days.  

I'm down to under a week before I can go in for my pregnancy test now!  I thought that the 12 days between the embryo transfer and pregnancy test would draaaaaag, but so far they feel like they are flying by.  Before I know it I'll be getting the phone call with the results of the test.  It's probably helped out that I did things for Halloween and that distracted me... {I made some awesome delicious chili and watched Jared carve pumpkins} Here are pics of his amazing pumpkins.

 The big pumpkin was originally $85 but since he bought these ON Halloween, the pumpkin patch was clearancing everything out and he got both pumpkins for $35.  Not bad.

Jared is very proud of his pumpkins that he carves every year.  They weren't quite so elaborate this year because he did everything the day of.  Here are some from past years.

The kids that come trick or treating to our house always freak out about how "cool" the pumpkins are.  This year we heard lots of "eewwwww"'s as kids approached the throwing up pumpkin.  We told them that it ate too much candy and felt sick, haha.  And every year about 1/3 of the parents take pictures of the pumpkins because they like them so much, and this year was no exception.  Jared seriously loves it.

This Halloween was very laid back, but it was fun.  We had the in-laws over and we all watched Hocus Pocus {They'd never seen it before!} and they loved it.  Then they went to bed {because they're old, haha j/k... kind of} and Jared and I watched Predators.  That movie was alright.  I didn't think it was scary, and I didn't like all the swearing {pretty sure the f-bomb was dropped 500+ times} but I think the predator's capabilities and technology is super cool.

That was it.

We're just a boring old married couple now, haha.

Hopefully next year we have a little one that we can dress up all cute :)

And I'll find that out in SIX days!