The transfer and pregnancy test results

So the embryo transfer was on April 2nd!   

Wyatt went over to his Auntie's house for a couple of days.  This was so I could just lay on the couch so that little embryo could burrow in.  It's important to not do anything or stress out about anything at all during that first little while.

Here's a magnified view of the embryo before it was transferred.  It's already starting to hatch!

After the transfer Jared picked up some PF Changs for me to gorge on and he went off to work.

At first I was like, OMG SILENCE!!  This is amazing!  la la la la la I can do whatever I want.. as long as I don't get up.  That lasted for about an hour before I was like holycrapiamsofreakingboredoutofmymind and howdidisurvivelikethiswheniwasonbedrestfortenweeks?!

Being a mom has changed me.

When Wyatt came home I was all excited to see him and he didn't want anything to do with me.  I think he was made at me or something.  Sorry kid.  He warmed up the next day though.

 So now I just had to wait 2 weeks for a pregnancy test.  Two whole weeks.  These two weeks always seem like the longest two weeks of my life.

During this time, Wyatt got a fungal infection in his diaper.  Oh the joys of Ichthyosis.  So he had a lot of naked time {which I was totally cool with because baby butts are the cutest}

 He had naked time in the pool

 Naked time playing running around the yard

 Naked time helping daddy plant an avocado tree

The kid loved being naked

Naked time plus Clotrimazole really seemed to really help the infection clear up.  Yay!

Here's a couple of bath time pictures since those ones are always the best

I love his personality!

So 5 days after the transfer I was super anxious and cheated.  I took a pregnancy test.  Then I took another on Wednesday morning.  Then another on Friday.  Finally I went and got one of those yes/no pregnancy tests so that all of the guesswork was taken out and

I'm so flipping excited to be a mom again!!!  We do know the gender, but want to make sure the little bean decides to stick around before we share.  We'll reveal the gender around the end of May.

As of now, I am 5 weeks and 5 days pregnant.  We got our first peak at what was going on in me on Wednesday

It's still too early to see a heartbeat {It's not strong enough to pick up on an u/s yet} but the dr. was able to see a yolk sac and cardiovascular tissue.  Hooray!!!

The next appt is set for a week and a half from now. :)

My family is so blessed!

FET {frozen embryo transfer}

Yesterday my period started!  So today I went in for an appointment.

I had a blood draw to test my hormone levels and an ultrasound to make sure my uterine lining is thinning like normal.  My uterus checked out and this afternoon I received a call giving me a green light from my bloodwork.

We are a GO!

I was really hoping my love affair with injections had come to an end, but was dismayed to learn that frozen embryo transfers also require needle time.  I have to give an estrogen injection in my butt every 3 days.  And the needle is friggin huge.  I was told it's going to hurt because of where it is and because the fluid is thick.  Boo.  At least it's only every 3 days.

I go in for my next appt. on the 27th and the transfer is tentatively scheduled for April 2nd.  I'M SO EXCITED!!!  I really hope this works.  I'm anxious for my family to grow.

In just over 2 weeks I could be pregnant!

Wyatt could be a big brother this year :)

Day 5 embryos update/genetic test results

I know I know, day 5 for my growing embryos was last Monday.  I'm super lame.

So the 3/8 update left us with 9 fresh embryos still growing and all 6 of my frozen embryos successfully thawed and growing, for a total of 15 embryos.

This number always drops between day 3 and day 5 because the embryos with genetic mutations often stop growing and don't make it to blastocyst.  I was hoping to have 8-10 embryos on day 5.

So Monday afternoon {the 10th} I got too impatient to wait anymore and called my coordinator.  She had just received the report and had it right in front of her to give me the results.

Of the 9 fresh embryos we had, 4 stopped growing, leaving us with 5.

Of the 6 thawed embryos we had, 5 stopped growing, leaving us with 1.

So a total of 6 left.

I'm not gonna lie... I was kind of crushed.  I was hoping for a higher number in case there were a lot of the embryos that were 'abnormal', which I wouldn't know until after the genetic test results came back.

I don't know why but this whole IVF cycle I keep getting down on myself.  I keep thinking that maybe I should have waited another month.  Maybe then my body would have reacted a little better.  I tried having, what I thought, were reasonable expectations for each step of the process... but I compared everything to my last cycle, and as many who have tried IVF multiple times can attest, each cycle is NOT the same.  I get it now.  I know part of my problem is I didn't mentally set myself up to handle failure like I did last time.  My expectations were simply too high.  Or, I should have gone into this having no expectations and take everything one baby step at a time.
Jared told me to stop being so negative and that everything will be fine.

The very next morning, first thing, I received a call with the genetic test results.
5 of the 6 embryos tested NORMAL!!!  FIVE!  Only one embryo was abnormal.  This is kind of huge.  For someone my age about half the embryos come back abnormal.  My dr. told me that my results are right in there with the 22 year olds and I'm shooting with one hand behind my back {since I only have one ovary}.  I am ecstatic about those results and definitely feeling a lot better.
The embryos are all 'high quality' and I have about an 80% chance of getting pregnant with each one.
Oh yeah... and we know the genders :)
2 boys and 3 girls!

Now I just have to wait for my period to start and we can get this party started.

Day 3 embryo update

I live by the idea that 8 is my lucky number.  Everything good happens with 8’s.  So by default today’s update should be a good one right?  

  Lucky for me, the nurse from HRC called first thing this morning, around 8:30.  Yay!  Early morning updates are the best because then you don't have to wait around all day wondering :)  She started by telling me that all they had thawed the 6 embryos that were from my last IVF cycle and that all 6 survived the thaw, wahoo!!!  Amazing news!  Then followed by saying I had a total of 9 embryos still growing and that I would get my next update on Monday.   

Wait… what? Nine?   

I made her repeat everything to make sure I heard that right and sure enough, she said nine.  

 So I said, you’re telling me that six of my nine fresh embryos just stopped growing???!  I don’t understand.  I felt immediately devastated and like I had just wasted a TON of money and put my body through hell for nothing.  

 If 6 had already stopped growing, the 3 that were left were for sure goners.  Between days 3 and 5 is where the numbers are supposed to drop a little.  Not between 1 and 3!  What had gone wrong?!  I kept questioning her and she told me that she was just telling me what the report said and that she could double check with the embryologist if I would like.  Um, yes I would like.   

We hung up, I had a melt down and about 5 minutes later she called back apologizing that she had misread the report.  All 6 frozen embryos survived and all 9 fresh embryos are still growing beautifully for a total of 15 embryos growing right now.  Now that’s what I’m talking about!  Much better news!  Between the phone call and waiting for a call back, that was definitely a crazy 10 minutes.  My emotions were all over the place.  Hopefully she hasn't made that mistake with too many other patients... but at least it was a mistake that had better results in the end than what she first came at me with!

Anyway, I’ll find out on Monday how many are still growing, I’m hoping between 8-10, and I should get the results from the biopsy back later that week.  We’re looking at doing the transfer sometime in April.  Beginning of April if my body cooperates, middle to end of April if it doesn’t.  So there’s a slim chance I could still have a baby this year.  Yay!

Now I just need to keep my fingers crossed that my body cooperates from here forward...

Nine!

Yesterday I was elated to find out that NINE of my eleven eggs successfully fertilized.

NINE!!!

That's 20% better than the results from the last cycle {11 & 9 vs. 13 & 8}

So far we're up one embryo from last time.

I'll get an update tomorrow morning with how they're growing and if any have stopped growing.  I think usually by day 3 all are still growing great, it's between days 3 & 5 that the numbers will drop off a bit... hopefully only a bit.  Like, an itty bitty bit.

We do still have 6 embryos that are leftover from last time.  Those embryos are currently frozen and will be thawed out tomorrow and everything will be allowed to grow for 2 more days so that I have all day 5 embryos.  Whatever has survived at that point will be biopsied and then immediately frozen.  So that's a potential of up to 15 embryos IF everything survives.  Which I don't expect.  So I'm hoping that between 8-10 will be biopsied and that of those, there will be at least 3-4 usable embryos.

Sigh.

So much to think about.

Egg retrieval round 2

I had my egg retrieval this morning!
I forgot how much cramping you experience after, ouch!

But let me back up for a second... so I had an ultrasound on Monday and my dr. was very happy with the size of follicles that he could see.  He measured 7 but said he thinks we should be able to get double digits at the retrieval.  He set the retrieval date for today, the 5th, and the transfer was scheduled for the 11th.  Later in the afternoon I received a call from one of the nurses on the nurse team.  She told me that they had gotten the results back for my bloodwork from Sunday and Monday, that my progesterone levels were too high and that Dr. Wilcox had recommended freezing all embryos following the retrieval.  Then she just stopped talking.  Um what?  I was like okaaaay, so what does that mean.  And she just repeated that my progesterone levels were too high so the dr had recommended freezing all embryos following the retrieval.  A million questions were running through my mind.

So does this mean the transfer isn't happening?

What does having high progesterone mean?  What does it have to do with all of this?

How did I get high progesterone?

Is there anything that I could have done to prevent this?

What does all of this mean?

When do I get to transfer the embryos?

WILL I get to transfer the embryos?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND!  NO ONE TOLD ME THIS COULD POSSIBLY HAPPEN!

I got a grip and asked her what the new plan is then.  When would I be able to do a transfer?  

She said that after the retrieval, I would stop all meds except the antibiotic.  The embryos would grow to day 5, then be genetically tested and frozen.  My body needs to 'reset' and once I start my next period we can go forward with doing a frozen embryo transfer. I still had a lot of questions but to everything else all she would say is that I could ask my dr. any/all questions I had at my appt. on Wednesday.  K. Thanks for the bad news.

I equate the feeling I had with this phone call to how I felt when I was trying to get pregnant naturally.  Great, another negative pregnancy test, guess we'll try again in a month.  The waiting game is the worst.

My day wasn't all bad news though.  My friend Heather sent me an edible arrangement that was so yum!  And incredibly thoughtful.  It totally brightened my day and made me feel super loved.

And Wyatt, being the awesome kid he is, must have known I was having a terrible day because he was amazing that day.  He actually ate fruit.  My child, that won't eat fruits or veggies in their natural state {basically, they must be pureed or hidden in other food} at a grape from the edible arrangement.  And then he ate another, then another.  What?  So I decided to try cantaloupe, ate it.  Honeydew, ate it. Strawberry, took a bite and made a face, but didn't spit that bite out.  Pineapple, ate it.  Later that night I tried apple and he ate 2 whole slices!  This is HUGE for me!  I've felt like the worst mom ever for the longest time because I can't get my kid to eat fruits or veggies.  For Wyatt, I know it's not a flavor thing, it's a texture thing, so I'm really hoping this means that he decided that he's ok with those types of textures. :)  The cherry on top is that Wyatt matched all the shapes on his colored shapes puzzles the first time for every shape.  YAY!!! 

Monday night/Tuesday morning I did my hCG shot at 12:45 am since my appt for the retrieval was at 11:45 today.  {It has to be given exactly 35 hours prior to retrieval} That shot hurts, but this time it didn't hurt as much as I remember it hurting from last time so that's awesome.

I started my antibiotic yesterday and basically just laid on the couch all day because it made me super nauseous.  Boo.  

So now for today.  Today I wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything after midnight until after the procedure.  The retrieval was at 11:45 so I fully expected myself to be in a full hangry rage.  Fortunately I was not.  I was actually really calm today compared to the past few weeks.  Maybe because I'm not injecting myself with all those hormones anymore?  I don't know.  We got to our appt. at 10:45 and I was called back to get prepped for the procedure, then Jared went to the special room so he could make his donation.

Romantic, I know.

As soon as I was called back I was all nerves.  I changed into the gown and put my hair in those awesomely fashionable blue hair cap thingy's.  I laid back on the bed and was hooked up to a bunch of monitors to get my vitals.  Yep, heart rate was like 85.  So then I tried breathing in and out really slow to help bring it down but I could not get that sucker under 81.

After 45'ish minutes I was lead over to the procedure room?  I don't know what they call it.  I smiled to myself because Adele was on the radio, and it made me feel better.  {Adele was on the radio during my last retrieval & it went really well, so I took it as a good omen.}

It took 2 different people to get my IV in because I hadn't been allowed to drink anything that day.  I get dehydrated easily and my veins kind of suck to begin with.  Anyway they finally got it and didn't have to dig too much on the second attempt.  Dr. Wilcox came in when the anesthesiologist came in & asked how I was doing.  So I told him I was nervous.  Of course, he reassured me that everything was going to be great and he expected to get a good number of eggs.  While the anesthesiologist explained everything, Dr. Wilcox sat down and held my feet to make them warm.  Seriously, it's the little things with this guy.  He is SO thoughtful and caring about all of his patients... I wonder if he remembers my embarrassing confession from last time about how I love how his hands are always warm, haha}  I remember asking the anesthesiologist how long it took for the medicine to kick in once she injected it into the IV and she said, I don't know, you tell me.  I immediately started getting fuzzy and was completely out within, I don't know, 5 seconds.  It was fast.

Next thing I know, I'm being wheeled into the recovery room & they're asking me how I'm doing.  Maybe 10 minutes later Dr Wilcox came over, grabbed Jared, and talked to us about everything.

He was able to get 11 eggs.  I'm a little disappointed with that number because it isn't as high as last time, but Dr. Wilcox told me that this is a better retrieval than last time because all of the eggs are bigger, and look to be good quality.

They'll call tomorrow with the results of how many of the eggs successfully fertilized {I'm hoping at least 8-10!}.  Then, like the nurse told me on Monday, they'll grow for 5 days, whatever is still growing will be biopsied then flash frozen.  We'll get the genetic test results back within 3-4 days and then we'll start a frozen embryo cycle after I get my, you know, cycle.

Last time we were able to get 13 eggs and 8 fertilized, however we opted to not do ICSI last time and this time we are, so I'm hopeful that this will be a good cycle even though it's not moving on the time frame that we had initially planned.

So that's where we're at.  I spent all day on the couch 'recovering'.  I have the worst cramps I've had in since I can remember.  But I got to have yummy recovery food.  Double pan fried noodles & Candied shrimp with walnuts from PF Changs.  YUM!  And we got cupcakes from Dots Cupcakes.  I probably ate like 3000 calories today.  Oh well.  It was worth it ;)

InVitro Round 2

I'm 2 weeks in to my second round of IVF!

I had the ultrasound that gave me the green light on Valentines Day, started the fertility drugs on the 19th and have been on them ever since.  This cycle has been kind of a crazy one for us.  First of all it's been more nerve racking because we've had more decisions to make, second, it's waaaay more expensive this time because we've opted to do genetic testing, and third, things have not been going to plan which has made it higher stress, which of course isn't so great when you're trying to conceive.

At my appointment last Tuesday, my dr. came in, did the ultrasound, and practically ran out of the room when it was over.  Not.  Good.  I left with a million knots in my stomach and kind of freaked out.  I knew it was a bad appointment.

At my appointment on Friday, when I was called back to a room, my dr. was standing outside of my room going through my chart.  Usually I wait for my dr. not vice versa, so I was immediately caught off guard and not sure how to react.  He started talking to me about my last cycle and making comparisons with this one, then he stepped out so I could get undressed really quick.  I barely had enough time to rip my pants off and was still trying to get myself covered with that paper sheet when he walked back into the room.  He told me that he needed to find me a tiara because I am THE most expensive patient he's ever had to stimulate.  Evidently he's never had a case like me before.  I'm only 28 and should react just fine to the meds, but my body has been kind of resistant to them so I've had to be on the half again longer and taking 2-3x more meds than most women my age.  When he started the ultrasound he immediately smiled and kind of did one of those whole body sighs of relief.  I could see the follicles much bigger on the screen so I asked him if things were going better.  He confessed that he was actually going to cancel me today but that things seem to be going much better.  And with my history of responding slowly to the meds he is going to keep me on and have me do 3-4 more days of the meds.  

So things are taking longer than planned... but at least I'm not getting cancelled!  I've injected over $4K worth of fertility meds into my body so far that would have just been gone to waste.  PHEW!

I figured out that it costs me approximately $620 a DAY just in fertility meds.  Ridiculous right?  Luckily for me, I have a friend that did a round of IVF last year and had about 20 vials of menopur that she sent to me.  That saved me $1500!  That helped a lot since my insurance doesn't cover any of this {which btw I think they should.  If they cover abortions, they should cover fertility options... but I won't even get started on that}

I go back in tomorrow for one more ultrasound before the egg retrieval date is set, but we're thinking it will be Wednesday, the 5th.  Eek!  If the retrieval is Wednesday, then I'll have the embryo transfer on the 11th and will have my pregnancy test on March 21st.

In 19 days I'll know if I get to be a mommy again!

Meeting with Dr. Wilcox

I often joke about my infertility by saying that 

"I'm broken" accompanied by a shoulder shrug and a smile, or I say things like, 

"I don't EVER have to take birth control again, woop woop!  No unplanned pregnancies for me!"  

But the truth is, it hurts.  I'm beyond grateful for the technology of IVF which has brought Jared and I our amazing son.. But as we begin planning for our second child, the sting of infertility is ever present.  We have to make decisions that no person ever grows up planning to make and, me being the most indecisive person in the world, I hate it.

We met with Dr. Wilcox last Thursday to discuss our next go at IVF.  We have 6 embryos that have been preserved from the last cycle and I don't want to do the whole IVF cycle again so I've been hoping hard that we'd be able to get 2 more children from what we have.  I went in to the meeting fully expecting to do a frozen embryo transfer, with next to no drugs, and I'd be on my way to having the next Jared or Jessica Jr.  No such luck.  After looking at the quality of embryos and discussing how my last pregnancy went, Dr. Wilcox advised us to do a fresh cycle, complete with genetic testing on all embryos {including our 6 frozen} and do a day 5 transfer.  

Not gonna lie.  I almost cried right there.  No part of me wants to go through all of this again.  But you do what you gotta do for your kids right?  I guess it's time to just grin and bare it again.

I felt torn when the dr. was talking to us about the genetic testing.  The lab reports the gender of the embryo with the test.  My dr. was saying this like it was a great thing that we would get the opportunity to 'pick' the gender of our next child.  Maybe some people would be excited about that, but I feel like it's playing God a little too much.  I want my pregnancies to be as 'normal' as possible, and normal people don't just choose the gender of their next child.  We told the dr. that we didn't want to know or pick the gender and he said it's either us or them.  So instead we've come up with a couple of different options.  1.  See if the lab will screen the results and black out the gender of the embryos.  2.  Number the embryos and draw a number out of a hat.  3. Flip a coin and if it's heads, it's a boy, tails, it's a girl.  Dr. Wilcox said that it has never been requested to have the results from the lab screened before so he'd need to see if they'd be able to do that, but so far I'm liking option 2 the best.  That way, we wouldn't know the genders of any of the embryos, the embryo picked out would be picked by chance, and I would have the dr. tell me the gender if/after the pregnancy test came back positive.

Anyway, since we would like to have 2 or 3 more children, we've decided to take our Dr.'s advice and do another fresh cycle.  I've already started the birth control pills and will start the injections approximately 2 weeks after running my 3rd half marathon on Feb. 2nd.  Over the last couple of years there have been changes in the IVF process so rather than having 3 weeks of injections, it will only be 8 days.  Hallelujah!  If everything goes to plan, we're looking at doing the embryo transfer around March 4th or 5th.  Approximately 10 days after that we'll know if it worked and if it did, we'll have an early December due date.  Fingers crossed!

Week 9 ultrasound and graduation

I had my very last appointment with Dr. Wilcox today :(  Next week was supposed to be my last appt. but he said that everything looks so great that there's no need to see him anymore.  I know this is a good thing... but it makes me sad.  I LOVE going to visit his office every couple of weeks.  The staff there is so so nice!  Anna and I have really bonded and I'm going to miss visiting with her every week.  Even the lady that draws my blood is awesome.  I'm going to miss seeing my little babies every 10 days.  Dr. Wilcox said I might have ultrasound withdrawal and I think he's right!  I've so looked forward to being able to see them so often and I'm bummed that I'll only see them once a month for the next few months.

Good news, is that the fluid in my uterus is almost gone.  It should be completely gone within a couple of weeks.

Here are the babies :)

They are measuring pretty close to the same size and are right on track at about 9 weeks.  Their little heartbeats were nice and strong too, they were definitely awake today!  One of them has the loudest heartbeat ever, I think he/she will be an active little monkey.  Actually, I'm pretty sure they both will be.

So far pretty much everyone we know is hoping that we have a boy and a girl {including Dr. Wilcox!}  Jared has said that he would like to have a boy and a girl too because then we'll have the best of both worlds, but he thinks it would be fun to have 2 boys too.  Not so sure about 2 girls though.  Two teenage girls would be DRAMA, haha.  I know me and my sisters fought a ton... but I think 2 girls could be a blast.

I have at least six weeks until I'll be able to find out the gender of our babies.  In my mind, that will be the next big checkpoint.  I can't wait!

*Estrogen Level was 4256.6
*Progesterone Level was 87.23

Pregnancy test #2 - Results

Yesterday I went in to HRC for pregnancy test #2.

I think they like to do two tests to confirm that the different hormone levels are increasing like they should.

Great news, I'm still pregnant :)

Here are my new numbers:

HCG: 7821.8 

{last week is was 546.2}
Progesterone: 399.48
Estrogen: 2571.2

Soooo... what do these numbers mean?

According to HRC, and my dad
multiples.

Dr. Wilcox doesn't want to wait 3-4 weeks to do an ultrasound.
He wants me in next week. :)
We're pretty excited.
He's having us in to verify that there are in fact multiples and to see how many.

Did you know that you can see your baby's heartbeat through a vaginal ultrasound at just 6 weeks pregnant?

We'll get to see our little babies heartbeat{s} next week!
Eek!!!

I'm trying soooo hard not to just tell everyone I know that I'm having twins because it hasn't been verified yet... but the numbers really do speak volumes.

I can't wait until next week!

Why in vitro?

Those in my life who know me well, know my history and why Jared and I are doing IVF to get our little family.

For those of you who never knew... here's the story.

December 11, 1989.

It was time to go home from my friends house.  We went out to the car but I couldn't get the door open.  I tried to stop my friends door from closing but all I got were my fingers slammed in the door.  As this happened, his mom started up the car so she couldn't hear my cries.  Since she thought I was in the car, she started backing down the driveway.  I was dragged down the driveway with the car until my left leg got caught under the front tire and as it crunched over my leg, my fingers were freed from the door.

As the car reached the street, my friends mom saw me laying in the driveway and in a panic she slammed on the gas instead of the brakes and went flying into the fence behind her.  Luckily neither of them were hurt.

She ran inside to call my mother as my friends dad picked me up and brought me back in and laid me on across a chair.  I remember his sister trying to put a band-aid on my throbbing leg and I kicked her away with my good leg while screaming at her to not touch me.

My mom arrived and rushed me to the hospital.  

I don't think she's driven so fast in her entire life.

When I arrived at the hospital, a doctor examined me.  All of my clothes had to come off and I've been told that when he tried to take off my underwear I slapped him right across the face.

After tests the doctors diagnosis was:

Left Leg - Broken

Stomach - Ruptured.

The doctor told my parents that I wouldn't make it.

When I was in recovery my mom told me that she could see all of my lunch in my tummy.  Some peanut butter and jelly sandwich here {and she would point to a part of my stomach} some milk here {point somewhere else} and lots and lots of chocolate chip cookies.

I was in the hospital for 11 days when the doctors allowed my parents to take me home.

That year for Christmas I got a little tykes shopping cart.  It helped me learn to walk again.

Here are some pictures from that time in my life.  I have to admit, I was a pretty cute little girl. :)
{I can't wait to see what our babies look like!}

My uncle gave me this Big Bird.  Totally still have it :)

The nurses liked to stick me in a wheelchair and walk me around the hospital.  One of the nurses would always share her orange with me.  They were awesome.

Daddy sleeping with me in my oxygen tent. <3

Fast forward to November 28, 2001.

I was fat.  My stomach had grown so much the past few months that I started wearing this fleece pullover every day.  Whether I was warm or not.  My stomach was getting bigger every day it seemed and it felt hard when I poked it.  I had no idea what was happening to me and I didn't like it.  Cramps were murder.  I remember shopping with my mom in Target one day and I literally dropped to the ground my cramps came on so bad.  But on this morning, November 28th.  I felt especially awful.  I told my parents I couldn't go to school and that I felt terrible.  My dad came in and asked what was wrong with me.  I told him my stomach hurt so so so so bad.  So, being a doctor, he started poking me around and then asked me if I was sexually active.  WHAT?!  NO.  No I wasn't.  He wanted to know if I was telling the truth, because apparently I looked and felt like I was 5-6 months pregnant.  I swore I wasn't.

My dad took me to the hospital where they did some tests and found that I had a very large cist that needed to be removed immediately.  Like, if it wasn't removed asap it could burst and I would die.  The cyst was the size of a NFL football.

The next day, my parents brought me in for emergency surgery.

I remember feeling like the worst person ever because it was my parents anniversary that day and I was ruining it for them.

A nurse had me change into one of those hospital gowns and I was left to sit in a wheelchair in this room with my parents until the operating room was ready.  Since I was freaking out they were kind enough to give me some medicine.  I don't know what it was called, but after I took the medicine I only remember the next minute.  Then I woke up in recovery.

When they opened me up in surgery, the doctor discovered that this cyst was HUGE.  The dr. thinks that this cyst was a result of my ruptured stomach.  It was attached to my bladder, my uterus, and my colon.  In the surgery the dr. detached everything, drained the cyst {which had about 2 liters of old blood in it, ew} and removed it.  Because everything was so squished together, my right ovary was accidentally removed.

My parents were told following the procedure that I might not be able to have children in the future.

Fast forward 5 years, I get married.

After 4 years of marriage we try to figure out why we aren't getting pregnant.

January 2010 - Met with an OBGYN to begin the 6 month process of tests and procedures to try and figure out exactly why we weren't getting pregnant.

July 2010 - OBGYN concludes that I will be a good candidate for IVF, and that will be the only way for me to have children.

August 16th 2010, we meet Dr. Wilcox and decide he will be our miracle worker.

And that is how we got where we are today.
3 weeks pregnant and counting! :)

{actually... I'm technically 5 weeks pregnant.  Apparently you're pregnancy is based off of your last menstrual cycle.  I wonder why.}

Home test slash the real test results.

I wrote the first part of this entry on Saturday and help off posting until today so that I could include both pregnancy tests. :)

So... It's 11 'o' clock on Saturday night.  Well, technically 10 'o' clock because it's daylight savings tomorrow.  Anyway, there are three days left until I go in for my pregnancy test.  I have one test left from when Jared and I were trying to get pregnant a couple of years ago, and I thought to myself, "why not?".

I asked Jared if I should take the test and he goes "YEAH! I want to know if you're pregnant!"  So I went for it.  I peed on the stick and watched the little hourglass 'think' for what seemed like forever.

And then it happened.

It said pregnant.

Now, I'm trying REALLY hard not to get too excited over this because there is the chance that this could be a false positive.  It happens.  But this test is the kind that you can take up to 4 days before your period... and this is the day after my period would have started... so in MY mind this thing has got to be pretty accurate and it's hard not to be excited.  The reason that I'm worried it might be a false positive, is because I'm taking estrogen and progesterone... but my dad says that these tests check your HCG level and I'm not taking anything for that.  Your HCG level is something that naturally increases when you're pregnant.

So here's to hoping this thing is right!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

 Today was the official pregnancy test.

At 5 this morning I was woken up by the phone ringing.  Confused, Jared and I started searching for the phone and missed the call. 

{I always forget to put the phone back on the charger, oops!}

When I found the phone I checked the caller ID and found that my family had been trying to reach me.  See, we have this tradition in my family that on your birthday everyone wakes you up by singing 'Happy Birthday'.  With the 2 hour time difference from Cali to STL, I usually get my call anywhere from 4-5 in the morning, haha.  So I called them back so they could sing to me and then went back to bed.

Got up at 7 and decided to take my time getting ready for the day.

I was told to come in any time between 7:30 and 11:30 for the pregnancy test and that since it was just blood work I didn't have to schedule a specific time.

So I had a big birthday worthy breakfast and took a nice long shower.  I didn't want to rush to get ready because I was already kind of freaking out about going in.  It felt sort of surreal that the day was finally here.  Plus what if the pregnancy test I took the other day was wrong?  I wish I had never taken that test... too late now.

I got to HRC at 10:00 and was in and out within 10 minutes.  The lab tech was funny, she asked which arm felt more pregnant and that she would take the blood from that one.  When she was done she told me to expect my phone call sometime after 3 this afternoon.

So I waited...

and waited...

I'm pretty sure that time actually slowed down.

I don't know how pregnant feels... but I think that I feel pregnant.  The doctor said that if I got pregnant my HCG level would go up, which would stimulate my ovary and make it swell a little bigger which would give me some cramping.  I've had cramping.

I've had cramping and a positive pregnancy test {so what if it expired in May? It will still be right... right?} so that means I have to be pregnant.

These were some of the thoughts that plagued my mind for 4 hours.

The call finally came at 12:56.
So glad because I seriously felt like I was going to puke from waiting.

Ana told me that my HCG levels needed to be higher than 50 order to be considered pregnant.  Mine are 546.2.  So I am quote "very pregnant"

YYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!

Today is definitely one of the best days of my life.

I'll go back for a retest in one week and I will have my first ultrasound a few weeks after that.

Best. Birthday. Ever.

Getting anxious

I was doing so good!  

I haven't been thinking about if I might be pregnant or not 24/7 like everyone told me I would be.  Of course I have the thought every day "Am I?" but I haven't been obsessing over it... until now.  

I feel like almost everyone I know is either pregnant, or just had their little baby.  I LOVE looking at pictures of the new babies and I love seeing pictures of mommy to be's with beautiful big bellies.  But I think the last blog I read was, hmmm, how do I even say this?  It was just so beautiful that my jealous level became higher than my 'I'm so excited for you that I'm not even thinking about me' level and I started thinking about me.  I want a baby sooooo bad.  I want to know if I'm pregnant.  I want to know if I get to be a mommy soon too!  I don't know how Jared can be so cool about all of this.  He acts like it doesn't even phase him.  Maybe it doesn't.  Apparently things affect men differently than women so maybe he really doesn't have a million different thoughts and feeling raging through his mind right now.

Oh well.  At least the first week of waiting didn't feel like forever.

I have 4 days left.  It doesn't sound long, but just saying it feels like it's forever away.

For the pregnancy test, they'll do bloodwork to check my HCG levels and such and that's how they can tell if I am pregnant or not.  Which means I won't get the call with the results until later in the afternoon.  Which means I'll have to wait allllll daaayyyyyy.

It will be the longest. day. ever.

But it will be worth it.

All of this will be sooooo worth it.  Now if I can just find something to distract myself with for the next 4 days....

Counting down...

Six days.  

I'm down to under a week before I can go in for my pregnancy test now!  I thought that the 12 days between the embryo transfer and pregnancy test would draaaaaag, but so far they feel like they are flying by.  Before I know it I'll be getting the phone call with the results of the test.  It's probably helped out that I did things for Halloween and that distracted me... {I made some awesome delicious chili and watched Jared carve pumpkins} Here are pics of his amazing pumpkins.

 The big pumpkin was originally $85 but since he bought these ON Halloween, the pumpkin patch was clearancing everything out and he got both pumpkins for $35.  Not bad.

Jared is very proud of his pumpkins that he carves every year.  They weren't quite so elaborate this year because he did everything the day of.  Here are some from past years.

The kids that come trick or treating to our house always freak out about how "cool" the pumpkins are.  This year we heard lots of "eewwwww"'s as kids approached the throwing up pumpkin.  We told them that it ate too much candy and felt sick, haha.  And every year about 1/3 of the parents take pictures of the pumpkins because they like them so much, and this year was no exception.  Jared seriously loves it.

This Halloween was very laid back, but it was fun.  We had the in-laws over and we all watched Hocus Pocus {They'd never seen it before!} and they loved it.  Then they went to bed {because they're old, haha j/k... kind of} and Jared and I watched Predators.  That movie was alright.  I didn't think it was scary, and I didn't like all the swearing {pretty sure the f-bomb was dropped 500+ times} but I think the predator's capabilities and technology is super cool.

That was it.

We're just a boring old married couple now, haha.

Hopefully next year we have a little one that we can dress up all cute :)

And I'll find that out in SIX days!

Embryo transfer day

Thursday was embryo transfer day.

We went in to HRC at 7:45. I had to drink a bunch of water before my appt so that I could be ready for an ultrasound... But this time the regular kind that they do on your tummy.  I had to pee soooooo bad. When I was laying on the table waiting for the embryologist and Dr. Wilcox, this is how I felt.

I was terrified that I was going to go all over the doctor... Actually... I'll be honest. I was REALLY terrified that I was going to fart right in his face.

How embarrassing would that be?!... and awkward.

Thankfully I did not fart in his face... or pee.

When Dr. Wilcox got there he told us that he would like to transfer 3 embryos and that by doing so we would have a teeny tiny chance of having triplets.  If we were going to have triplets then he would want us to do selective reduction.  I told him that Jared and I had talked about it and the only way we would ever do selective reduction would be if I was going to die.  So we compromised and he transferred 2 embryos.

We have about a 20% chance of having twins.  I really hope they both take!  I've always wanted twins my whole life, but really, I would be thrilled if we could just get one little miracle out of this.

The procedure itself only took about ten minutes, after which I was allowed to empty my bladder.  THANK GOODNESS!  I had to pee so bad!  I didn't even get dressed, I just wrapped the sheet around my waist and ran barefoot to the bathroom... and of course it was occupied.  So then I felt special because Dr. Wilcox let me use the Dr.'s bathroom.  haha

Here is a picture of all my little embryos! :)

And here is a picture of my uterus.    

The lighter section in the middle is where my two embryos were "dropped off".  Hopefully they've snuggled right in by now.

When we left, Dr. Wilcox ordered me to lay down with my feet up for the next 48 hours.  I was allowed to get up to go to the bathroom and I was allowed to sit up when I ate my meals.  Other than that I needed to lay down.  Holy crap.  All I have to say is that I pray I do not get put on bed rest at any point during my pregnancy {since this is definitely going to work}.  My back hurts sooooooooo bad!  Jared rubbed my back for me both nights and I used a heating pad for the last half of the day on Friday.  It was pretty boring.  I watched a ton of Law and Order and NCIS, but Friday night I watched my Cardinals win the World Series!  Woot! Woot!  11 in 11 baby :)

Today is the first "normal" day since the embryo transfer.  I still have to take it easy for 2 weeks {like, I'm not allowed to pick up anything or do any exercise or clean the house}.  If I try to push it at all I get pretty bad cramps so I'm going to be really good and try to follow the Dr.'s orders to a T.

And in 10 days I get to go back in to take my pregnancy test. :)  Yay!!!!

ivf - egg retrieval day

Monday was egg retrieval day.

We had to be to HRC at 7:45 so that Jared could give them a sampling of his manhood. 

The nurse that helped me was named Maria.  She was so nice and made me feel super comfortable {which was great because I was basically freaking out}.  I was so nervous that one of the big days was finally here.  In my  mind there are 3 really big days with IVF.  The egg retrieval day, the embryo transfer day, and pregnancy test day.  Maria and I talked about Dr. Wilcox and about how he is soooo nice and has such a calming affect on any room he walks in... and that I like that he has warm hands, haha.  I was back there for about 20 minutes before they were ready for me and the anesthesiologist put me out.  {I am soooo greatful for that kind of a drug!  It has made it possible for me to endure many procedures in the past.}

When I woke up I was back in the recovery room with Maria.  She told me that while I was under I started telling Dr. Wilcox that Maria and I had been talking about him and how nice he is.  Maria kept telling me "be quiet!  That was between you and me! haha" and apparently I also told him that I liked that he had warm hands.  Needless to say... I was pretty embarrassed.

 This is how awesome I looked right after the procedure.  Try not to be too jealous of my good looks.

Maria gave me juice and brought Jared in to see me.  I asked her if she knew how many eggs they got out or how many follicles that I had.  She didn't know but she said she would call and find out for me. :)
When she came back she told us that the doctor got THIRTEEN eggs!!!!!!  Yay!!!  The average person with two ovaries gets 8-16 eggs {about 60% get less than 12} and I got THIRTEEN with ONE!  I'm amazing. :)  Well, actually, my doctor is amazing for knowing how to get my body to work the way we needed it too.  I'll admit, I totally started crying from happiness.

When we got home I went straight to the couch and laid there until 6:00 that night.  Then we went over to our friends house {because she's awesome and said she would feed us} and I laid on her couch until 9:00.  Basically I wasn't allowed to do anything and wasn't about to try and push myself at all.

Yesterday I felt about as bad as I did on Monday so I stayed home from work and laid on the couch all day again.  :p my back is sooooo sore.
That morning I got a call from HRC and Saba told me that 8 of my little eggs were fertilized.  5 of them didn't take which is about average.  {30% of eggs won't fertilize for whatever reason.  Either they are not mature, or they're too old, or... etc}
I'm hoping the biggest hopes that all 8 of my little embryos grow big and strong!  I know the odds, and so I know at least a couple of them won't make it, but I hope most of them do!  We're going to have 2 embryos transferred into me, but the rest we'll freeze for next time, so the more embryos survive, the more potential children we have. :)  And I don't know about Jared, but I really want to have around 5 children.
Big families are the best!

We've totally come up with names that we like too, haha.  Our first boy will be named Wyatt Reid Barney.  Wyatt, because Wyatt Earp was a badass.  Reid after his Grandpa Reid Barney.
Our second boy will be Duke Dangerfield Barney. 
Duke after John Wayne {another cowboy, haha Jared wants to stick with a cowboy theme for all the boys} and Dangerfield after my Great Grandpa Preston Dangerfield West.
For girls, we haven't come up with anything for sure yet, but we both really like the name Hailey Lynn.  Lynn would be after me and my mom, and we just really like the name Hailey, plus I have a pretty awesome friend with that name. :)

Anyway, tomorrow I go back in for another appt.!  We'll get to see our little embryos and we will discuss whether to do the embryo transfer then or on Saturday.  Yikes!  I'm so excited and I'm so nervous!  I could totally be a mom next year.  One or two of these little tiny's could totally grow and be in my arms nine months from now.  My mom and dad could be grandparents.  My brothers and sisters could be aunts and uncles.  And my grandma and my aunts and uncles could all be great.

This is awesome.

the hcg shot

Well today is trigger day.

At 9:45 exactly I will have to get the hCG shot.

In my butt.

I'll have Jared do this one since I won't be able to reach back there myself. 

The big needle is the mixing needle, the small one is the injecting needle

I have to take the hCG shot 35 hours before the egg retrieval

this will make the eggs go through the final stages of maturation before they are retrieved.

{there really is too much to learn and remember with this IVF business}

Tomorrow I'll start taking an antibiotic to help prevent any infection from the procedure on Monday.

Today I cleaned my house and did a weeks worth of grocery shopping since my activities will be even more limited next week.

And I got a nice reminder of why I'm not supposed to do housework.  

Making the bed was painful and I had to lay down for like, 

an hour afterwords.

I felt like an old lady!

And when Jared and I were at Costco I started cramping really bad {Just from walking around!} and all I wanted to do was sit down.  Anywhere.  So I sat on a crate of soup for like 5 minutes, haha.  Is regular life this hard when your pregnant?!

Jared said I should have got one of those motorized carts to drive around the store.  I think I would rather stay home and go hungry than drive one of those things... which is funny because I think it would make Jared's week to be able to drive one.  Boys are silly.  He keeps life interesting though so I guess I'll keep him around awhile longer.  ;)

2 days!

ivf - day 51 - cycle day 12

Tonight will be the last night that I have to do all my shots. :)

YYYAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

 You would think that those shots would get easier to do after 3 weeks.

They don't.

I will take my HCG shot tomorrow night at 9:45 to get my body ready for the egg retrieval.

The procedure is scheduled for Monday at 8:45 a.m.

{And they said I have to take off this cute nail polish, dang! haha}

My ovary has stretched from the size of an olive
to the size of a small orange

{about 5-7 cm in diameter}

And I can feel it!

I have 8 dominant follicles and about 10 smaller ones

{crossing my fingers that I can get a couple more big ones by Monday}

Which I think is awesome for one ovary

These suckers get three more days and then they're coming out.

I don't know what my estrogen levels are as of today because the dr.'s office didn't call me back with the results. :(  Oh well.  It's not like it makes any difference, it's just fun to hear how they sky rocket up every time. :)

And the fun thought of the day.  Since the egg retrieval got pushed back 3 days, the embryo transfer was also pushed back three days.  The pregnancy test can be done 12 days after the embryo transfer WHICH MEANS I'll find out if I'm pregnant or not ON my birthday!  12 days from Thursday the 27th is exactly November 8th :)
I think I might get my best birthday present ever this year.

ivf - day 49, cycle day 10

Day ten appt. was great today :)

My ultrasound was good, but the doctor wants to hold the egg retrieval off for a couple of days.  My body is a little behind because it didn't respond as quickly to the meds at first but it's been responding much better with the tweaks he's made.

Here's a picture I found of about what my ovary looks like right now

The average ovary is the size of an olive

{obviously not the size of mine right now}

All of those circles are the follicles.

Dr. W says that he wants the follicles to be 18 mm in diameter so we can get good mature eggs out of them.  That's a freaking inch and a half.  There's 15 follicles in my ovary right now.  No wonder I can feel this thing! 

My poor ovary!  This little guy is getting stretched out a TON!

As for the blood work.  My estrogen levels today were even better.  In two days they've gone from 484 to 1244!  

From what I've researched, most doctors want to see estrogen levels that are between 1000-4000 and they want to see ovaries with 8-15 follicles that are between 14-20 mm in diameter {The goal is to get 8-15 quality eggs to work with} and then they'll do the HCG shot to induce final egg maturation.

BUT I only have one ovary to work with so no way will I get that many eggs.

My doctor wants to be able to get at least 10 follicles that are 18 mm in diameter so that he can hopefully get 10 quality eggs to work with.

I'm hoping that we can get at least ten eggs.

I'm hoping that all of the eggs that we do get will fertilize.

I'm hoping that all of those little embryos multiply and grow just like they should.

I don't want to lose a single one.

I go in for my next appt. on Friday.  I'll do the shots tonight and tomorrow and hopefully on Friday my ultrasound will look even better and I'll have even more phenomenal estrogen levels.

Dr. W thinks this will all go down on Sunday.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Day 7 checkup = Amazing

There are lots of countdowns in the IVF world.  First countdown is when "Aunt Flo" comes to town.  Second countdown is when you begin the Lupron.  Then the last countdown is when you start the stimulating hormones.  No wait!  I lied, there's more countdowns after this.  There's a countdown after the embryo transfer until you can take the pregnancy test, and then the FINAL countdown is for baby to come. :)

I'm on day seven of the third countdown and, of course, I had a checkup this morning.  I'd like to give a shout out to Dr. Wilcox for being the best doctor EVER.  That man has got some great intuition with things.  Because he upped the dose of Bravelle and he got me started on the estrogen pills, my endometrium {the lining in my uterus} has thickened and is now 10 mm. :)  This is awesome.  Then he checked out my ovaries, which by the way, he told me that I have a BIG, beautiful right ovary.  That's right.  Bam.  And now I have 15 follicles that are growing.  9 of them are bigger than the rest and he said he'd like to see 10 really good ones for the egg extraction.  {There's an egg in each follicle so basically he wants 10 great follicles so he can get 10 great eggs}  Finally, my estrogen levels are at 484.47.  A HUGE jump from the 80.78 that it was on Friday. :)

He upped my dose of Menopur from one vial to two each night and I'll continue doing 4 vials of bravelle, 5 units of Lupron and 2 estrogen pills plus the prenatal vitamins.  My next checkup is on Wednesday and they will decide to either continue the meds for a couple of days or have me take the HCG shot to get ready for egg retrieval {on FRIDAY!}

Eek!!!  It's so close I can hardly stand it!