Traditions

Every year since I've been married, Jared and I have gone back to STL to spend Christmas with my family.  It's so fun because my family is young compared to Jared's since there are still kids living at home.  Because Jared is the youngest in his family, he was never really able to experience many traditions other than having a big dinner on Christmas Eve.  He never tried to sneak into the living room to see his presents before his parents woke up, there isn't a story that's told every year... and so I think it's awesome that he's getting to experience these things with my family.  We are so stocked up on traditions it's hard to make any new ones.  
This is how our traditions go.  

Every year we draw one of our siblings names out of a hat and we get to make that person a gift for Christmas.  We draw the names in September so we have plenty of time to think about what we want to make for our person. 
~

The Monday after Thanksgiving we put up the Christmas tree for our Home Evening.  
~

We have an advent calender in the kitchen. 
~

On Christmas Eve, when we wake up we try to say 'Christmas Eve Gift' to as many people as we can before they say it to us... that's a tradition that my dad has carried on from his family.  
~

My mom prepares a special dinner for us to eat that night.  She likes to make it pretty and usually does a 
3 course meal. 
~

Us kids put on a re-enactment of the birth of Jesus (this is also a tradition that my dad has carried on). 
~

My dad reads a story called Jimmy Scarecrow and we LOVE how he changes his voice for the characters. 
~

My mom reads The North Pole.  
~

After all the stories are finished we all go upstairs to exchange presents by the Christmas tree. 
We get our jammies first :)  Every year my mom and dad give all of us kids new pajamas, or 'christmas jammies' as we like to call them, and we always go put them on as soon as they are opened.
~

We exchange our persons presents.
~ 
We get our present from the grandparents.

~

Then we all pick out our 'spot' where we want Santa to leave our presents.
~

All the kids have to sleep in the basement (I'm soooo glad I don't have to do this anymore since I'm married!!)
~

Christmas morning, when we wake up we try to say 'Christmas Gift' to as many people before they say it to us.
~

We always have Krispy Kreme donuts with either eggnog or chocolate milk for breakfast.

Then we all follow mom and dad upstairs and get to open our presents.
~

My mom has a buffet that she puts out on the table so that we can snack on yummy food all day long whenever we want.

So basically we have a TON of traditions that we do and I absolutely LOVE it. :)  There are some traditions that we probably won't carry on and I'm sure Jared and I will come up with traditions of our own that we want to start in our little family.

So share! :) What are some traditions that you do in your own families?

25

Last month I turned 25.  This birthday was very weird for me because I wasn't looking forward to it at all.  25 feels old.  I've never felt old on any of my birthdays before.  I've decided that 25 is one of those years.  One of those years where you reflect on the goals you thought you would have accomplished at this point in life.  You reflect on what you've done with your life and where you are compared to where you thought you would be back when you were a kid.  For me, I thought that I was going to be married (which I am) to a doctor (which I'm not) and that my husband would be over 6 feet tall (he's 5'10 or 11'') have brown hair (it's blonde) and brown eyes (they're blue/green).  I thought I would have children, a girl that I was going to name Summer Lily and then twin boys, one named Michael Andrew and the other Brian Isaac.  Then I was going to adopt a little girl from Russia and I was going to name her Katya if she needed a name.  

It's funny how very off I was about my future.  I didn't marry the type of guy I thought I was going to, and honestly I am so very grateful that I didn't.  I am so needy when it comes to spending time together with Jared and if he would have been a doctor, then he would have had hardly any if any time for me at all.  I've decided that I love his blonde hair and he has some of the most rad eyes I've seen in my entire life.  And I don't mind that he isn't a giant because it's easier for me to give him kisses.

I didn't think that I would be living in California.  I guess I never really thought about where I would be living, but I always thought that I would live close to my family, which I do not.  

Tomorrow I will have been 25 for one month.  This whole time I have spent reflecting on how things didn't turn out the way I thought they would.  I've allowed myself to be upset by this until just recently.  Something happened that really opened my eyes and I now realize just how lucky I am that life hasn't turn out the way I thought it might.  Jared was worthy to take me to the temple.  He has a great family that loves me and mine loves him.  He's a builder and a fixer and a doer.  He is constantly creating new projects for himself and is a winner every day.  He has some great self esteem and passes it on to me and he openly tells me every day that he loves me.  He is my rock in every way possible and winning his heart is one of the greatest things that I have ever accomplished.  So what if I don't have kids yet?  I will one day.  Whether I have them myself or have to adopt them, I will have them.  I'm still young and I have plenty of time to be a mom.  It's okay that things aren't happening on my immature timeline... in fact, I think I'm pretty lucky that they aren't because it's given me even more time to have Jared 

all to myself. 

=)

Giving Thanks

So a week ago as Jared and I were walking out the door, the phone rang.  I ran over to see who it was really quick and I saw that it was Brother Linch.  He is the first counselor in the bishopric in our ward.  I was like, uh... I'm not going to get this because we've got to get going.  So we left for whatever it was that we were going to do.  When we got home, there were 3 missed calls and a message from him.  The message just simply said that he wanted to talk to me and would try giving me a call later.  The next night when we got home there was another missed call from him.  I was like, uh oh Jared, Brother Linch wants SOMETHING from me, so don't answer the phone if he calls! haha I'm so bad.  The next night we were hanging out at home and Jared's friend was over and the phone rang.  Well, sometimes when our phone rings the caller ID doesn't pick up who it is and this was one of those times.  Not even thinking, I answered the phone.  Yep, it was Brother Linch.  I dramatically fell to the ground mouthing NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! and Jared just started laughing at me right away because he just knew it had to be Bro. Linch.  Lo and behold the man DID want something from me.  He didn't ask me to give a talk or say the prayer or anything simple like that... nooo... he asked me to chair the committee for the Giving Thanks Dinner.  Me.  The bishopric decided that I should be head honcho of the wards biggest activity of the year.  And the real kicker?  It's scheduled for Nov. 13th.  So I only had 3 weeks of preparation, well two weeks left now.  At first I was really not excited at all to undertake this task.  BUT after a few days passed by I started to feel honored that these men thought that I could pull this off.  They told me that they had confidence in me that I would do a great job.  How about that?  That mad me feel really good and now I am determined that this will be the best Giving Thanks Dinner that this ward has seen in years. :)  I'm just really grateful that I have such a great committee to work with on this.  There's no way I could pull this off without their help!

Autumn

I love autumn, or fall, whatever you want to call it.  I like to call it autumn though, I think it sounds prettier.  I love the cooler weather and all the leaves changing to different colors.  I love the comfy sweaters that get to come out of hiding for the extra chilly days and, well, clothes are just cuter this time of year.  I love that I can drink hot chocolate and it warms me up inside.  I love that I get to put my green quilt on the bed and Jared doesn't complain that he's too hot.  I love the decorations that people put out with the pumpkins and bales of hay.  I just love everything about it.  It's my most favorite season ever. :)

Glitter

So the other day I went to wal-mart with my mother in law because she needed to get some prescriptions filled.  She doesn't much like driving herself to places so she elected me to be her chauffeur.  After the prescriptions were filled and we turned around to leave she saw the Christmas decorations (insert heavenly music).  This woman LOVES decorations for everything.  In fact, I don't know anyone who has more decorations than her and yet she continues to buy more every year.  So of course we had to look at them.  She wanted to buy all new ornaments for her tree, but I reminded her that she did so last year and so instead she just bought a few new ones.  As we were in line buying our things I told the checker that I would bag the ornaments because she wanted it done a particular way.  Several of the ornaments had glitter on them and they were all on the more fragile side.  As I was bagging the ornaments I looked up to see the checker guy brushing the glitter off of his shirt so I started laughing and said to him, 
What?  You don't want to have glitter on you all day?  and he looked at me and was like, 
"Only if it's from you."  
And I was like Oh, uhh HAVE A NICE DAY! 
hahaha It was so weird to get hit on because it's been soooo long since anyone besides Jared has done that.  I don't know, I guess being married I just don't think about stuff like that.  I notice if a guys cute, but I don't check them out like I used to and I don't ever expect anyone to hit on me.  But if was funny.  When I told Jared about it he said I probably flirted with the guy first because he was a milk chocolate black guy and anyone that knows me knows that I love me a black man, hahaha.  Well, at least this means that I still got it goin' on right? hahaha I just couldn't believe that he hit on me right in front of my mother in law!  And the funny part of that?  She had no idea what had just happened, haha I love that woman!

The Challege

I had the opportunity to take a last minute trip back to STL a couple of weeks ago.  My dad just called out of the blue and told me "We want everybody to come home this weekend for some family pictures, so get a flight and I'll reimburse you." (or something along those lines.)  Um, hells yeah!  Who says no to a free trip?  So I found a flight and flew out on Friday morning.  My brother and Grandma Pope flew in the next day and it was just a fun filled family weekend. :)  Friday I just hung out with my family, we went up to my dads office and I helped clean it and then we went home and watched a movie and my dad bought a 50 chicken nugget meal at McDonalds.  Yes.  They have a 50 piece chicken nugget meal.  WTH?  It comes with the chicken nuggets, 2 large fries and 2 large drinks.  It's so much food!!!  But I was very amused that they actually sold something like that.
On Saturday I went shopping with Jason, my mom and my Grandma for something to wear in the family pictures.  We found some really cute sweaters at Old Navy that won us over and took forever decided on which colors to get for who.  I never knew buying a sweater could be so difficult!  But we all looked super cute in our pictures. :)  
We went to Dewey's for dinner that night.  Dewey's is this little pizza joint that has the BEST pizza on this planet.  My favorite is called the Dr. Dre.  It has ranch dressing, cheese, chicken, jalepenos, green peppers and fresh tomatoes.  Delicious!  I absolutely have to have it every time I go home to visit.  After dinner we headed down to the lake house that my parents bought a few years back.  I've never been there during the summer/fall, only winter so I was really excited that I got to see the lake all pretty and everything green.  On Sunday we took more family pictures and then my brother had to leave.  :(  So sad he only got to be with us for one day, but I'll take one day over none!  Monday everyone went to work so I hung out with Kristin and my Grandma.  We walked around downtown Kirkwood and had lunch and did some window shopping.  Then Tuesday I came back home!  

OH!  Hold on!


I totally just left out one of the funnest parts of my trip.  On Monday night for FHE we had dinner out by the pool and swam, which was really fun b/c I haven't swam in that pool since before I was married.  KP, Alyssa and I were acting dumb and goofing around and when we were done swimming we decided to all take a bubble bath in my mom and dad's jacuzzi tub.  :)  BEST IDEA EVER!  Alyssa filled up the tub with water and added some bubbles and we were kind of bummed b/c the bubbles weren't that high.  Well, I decided to turn on the jets for fun and all around us the bubbles started growing.  They were taller than our heads! haha it was so awesome! :)  I just loved being able to act like a kid again and play with my sisters because I really don't ever get to do that.


So onto the reason why this post is entitled 'the challenge'.  While I was visiting my mother and I were talking about how we've both gained weight that we want to lose.  So I challenged her.  Whoever loses the most weight by Christmas wins.  But we had to make this interesting so that we would actually adhere to the plan.  In years past we've done little losing weight 'contests' but we always lose interest and forget about it quickly after we start.  So the 'entry fee' if you will is $200 and whoever loses the most weight wins the pot.  My dad decided to join in so the pot is at $600.  So I'm excited b/c if I win that means I have an extra $400 bucks in my pocket!  But at the same time, if I don't win, I don't really care b/c either way I'll still have lost a bunch of weight.
So here it is, 11 weeks until Christmas.  I want to lose 10-15 pounds.  I think I can do it... wish me luck!

Ice-mares

Last night we had the missionaries over for dinner so I made my yummy pulled pork enchiladas with mexican rice, corn and homemade guacamole with tortilla chips.  They (of course) loved it and I have two more checks on the list of people who love my enchiladas.  Seriously, I have yet to come across one person who doesn't love them. :)  Since we had company over I thought it would be fun to get an array of ice creams to choose from for dessert.  So I got double chocolate chunk brownie, mint chip, cookie dough and cookies and cream.  Mmmm, just thinking about the ice cream is making me want to go get some... good thing I'm at work where I can't get at it!  Well, we all had a bowl, they left and Jared and I went on a walk and just kind of chilled out for the rest of the night.  We watched Community... SO glad that show is back on!  It's so funny!  Anyway, we were both really tired so we decided to hit the hay a little early.  I got ready for bed around 9 and we were both in bed by 9:30.  While I was getting ready for bed, I had to walk by the kitchen.... where the ice cream was... sitting nicely all frozen in that freezer... and I couldn't help it, I had a couple of bits of the Mint Chip.  (Hey!  It's my favorite and I don't ever get to have it because Jared doesn't like it, but he wasn't with me when I bought the ice cream, thus it's now in the freezer.)  It was soooo good!

Big Mistake.

I had bad dreams all night last night and woke up like a gazillion times.  I was talking to Jared about it this morning and apparently I had him up all last night as well.  He told me that I was talking in my sleep ALL NIGHT LONG.  Oops!  Sorry Jared!  

I guess that's the last time I'll be having ice cream right before bed! :(

New Directions

A little over a month ago I gave my notice at the job I had worked at for 4 years.  I loved the girls that I worked with so this was a hard thing for me to do.  4 weeks later I had my last day. 

Today I have been at my new job for about a week and I absolutely love it.  I now work for my mother-in-law at the business she owns that is located about a mile from my house. :)  I love that it takes me 2 minutes to get to work as opposed to the 40 min. drive that I used to have.  I love that I don't have to be to work until 8:00 am (instead of 7:30) which gives me time to workout in the morning, eat breakfast with my husband, and make him his lunch.  I love that I am done with work at 3:30 (instead of 4:30) so that I can do my grocery shopping or clean the house or water my flowers or do whatever I want and still have time to get dinner on the table between 5 and 5:30, which, I might add, Jared also loves.  I think I have cooked more in the past 2 weeks than I have in the past 2 months!  How sad is that?  

I don't think I ever realized how much stress I carried around with me from my job when I worked at Subaru.  I complained a lot, I didn't play around very much, and when I got home at night I would become this fixture on the couch that didn't move.  I just felt exhausted all of the time.  Now, I feel like a completely new me now.  Jared says I'm happier and that I joke more and that I'm just all around more fun to be around.  I love that.  I am all for this new direction that I am going. 

Shiny

When Jared and I married a little over 4 years ago we bought this little fridge from the sears outlet for our little apartment.  It's a pretty fridge and we got it for a really good deal because it had damage to the top back corner which we didn't care about since it would be hidden.  The fridge stands about as tall as me with a freezer section on the top and the fridge portion on the bottom.  I love this fridge because it's the one that we started with, plus the stainless steel and black matches our other appliances in the kitchen.  On the other hand I absolutely hate that I can't fit very much food in it and we have to kneel or crouch down to get stuff in/out.  Plus we have to do ice the old fashioned way in the trays. 
WELLLLL... this weekend I got to buy a brand new fridge.  A beautiful Kenmore Elite with french doors and a bottom freezer.  A splendid fridge indeed.  We ordered it on Saturday and will go pick it up on Thursday.  On thursday I will have a fridge with space galore.  I will squat no longer to find something I need.  No more will I have to fill those blasted ice trays in order to have a cold drink.  We will still keep our old trusty fridge though.  It's going to go out next to the chest freezer, so I can no longer EVER complain about not having enough room to put things.  :)  I can't wait!

Dr. Wilcox

On Monday Jared and I had the pleasure of meeting

Dr. Wilcox.

He is an in vitro doctor that works at the Huntington Reproductive Center in Pasadena. When we met with him he explained what he would be doing for the whole in vitro process and he made me laugh because he said it looked like I had been tortured before I made it to him what with all the different test and attempts at tests that I have had this year. He told me that his main concern with me is the size of my uterus and that he wanted to make sure it is big enough to carry a baby to full term. So he did a vaginal ultrasound (which, by the way, are super weird! Way different than your run of the mill ultrasound, but I guess they are more accurate and it's easier to get a clear picture) and he said my uterus looks great! :) Yay!  He showed it to me on the screen and it looks so so tiny!  I can't believe a whole baby can fit in that thing!  He also said that my ovary looks like it is also a good size and it isn't going to be an issue that I only have one and since I am young, he can be more agressive in the egg retrieval process.  So yay!!!  I'm so excited and feeling very blessed and humbled by Jareds and my journey thus far.  So the odds of us getting prego the first go round is around 60%, which is actually pretty good based on the research that I've done.  If I get pregnant the first attempt then I'm going to be a mommy next year! :)  I'll make my parents grandparents and I'll make all of MY grandparents, aunts and uncles GREAT!!! 

So this is what Jared and I have come up with.  So far the plan is that we are going to start the in vitro process in January so that we have a few months to straighten some things out and then we'll go at it full throttle.  If we get prego right away then I'll have a baby in Nov. or Dec. :)  If not then we'll just try, try again!  We'll keep updating as we learn new things and move through this little adventure.  And thanks to everyone who has prayed for us and with us, we love you!

On my to do list

I found this cute idea for name blocks HERE.  I so want to make these for me!  What a cute idea!

Four Years! (as of yesterday)

Four years 9 months and 20 days ago I met this really awesome guy.

Four years 5 months and 10 days ago we got

engaged.

Four years ago we went to the temple and were sealed for all time and eternity.

Four years!  We're almost halfway to ten!

I love my little family :)

The search is ON! :)

The visit w/ my doctor yesterday went well minus the fact that I sat in the room for an hour before he saw me. (Am I the only one that thinks this is ridiculous?)  He basically just re-iterated everything that Jared told me last week but in a little different way.  He said I have a normal size uterus, that I am missing my left ovary and fallopian tube and that the right tube is dilated and blocked.  When I asked if the blockage could be cleared out he said that because I have so many adhesions inside me that it would not be worthwhile to try and clear out the blockage and that I should avoid any surgeries in the future.  Yikes!  Apparently it would not be worth the risk.  I read the report to my dad and told him about the doctors advice and he agrees with him so I feel comfortable with not getting a second opinion. 
So now to find a good IVF doctor!  A friend of the family has a sister who had IVF done successfully and she gave me the info to the doctor.  His name is Dr. Marrs.  From what I've found online he's a very good doctor that EVERYONE seems to like.  He has good reviews across the board and has been doing this for (I think it said) 32 years.  Plus I called to see how far out the appts. were and right now they are scheduling in Sept.  Sooo... this also leads me to believe that he is a much sought after doctor.  I printed up a new patient packet to fill out and fax in and man oh man!  They ask about everything!  This thing is going to take a while to do!  But I've got to finish it and get it to them quick b/c they schedule the appt.'s after they review the packet and they review those in the order that they get them.  So the sooner the better for me! 
I'm just really excited to be on a different part of this adventure.  I'm going to check out a few different places before I decide who I want to go to for sure but so far I really like what I've read and heard about from this one place.  So we'll see!

Patience

I was just reading this talk about Patience by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf from the April 2010 Conference.  This talk is so wonderful!  I remember that as President Uchtdorf gave this talk I felt as if he was talking directly to me (minus the priesthood part). 
This parts of the talk really stood out to me:

"Patience means staying with something until the end. It means delaying immediate gratification for future blessings. It means reining in anger and holding back the unkind word. It means resisting evil, even when it appears to be making others rich.
Patience means accepting that which cannot be changed and facing it with courage, grace, and faith. It means being “willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon [us], even as a child doth submit to his father.” Ultimately, patience means being “firm and steadfast, and immovable in keeping the commandments of the Lord” every hour of every day, even when it is hard to do so. In the words of John the Revelator, “Here is the patience of the saints: here are they that keep the commandments of God, and … faith [in] Jesus.”
Patience is a process of perfection. The Savior Himself said that in your patience you possess your souls. Or, to use another translation of the Greek text, in your patience you win mastery of your souls. Patience means to abide in faith, knowing that sometimes it is in the waiting rather than in the receiving that we grow the most. This was true in the time of the Savior. It is true in our time as well, for we are commanded in these latter days to “continue in patience until ye are perfected.”
To paraphrase the Psalmist of old, if we wait patiently for the Lord, He will incline unto us. He will hear our cries. He will bring us out of a horrible pit and set our feet upon a solid rock. He will put a new song in our mouths, and we will praise our God. Many around us will see it, and they will trust in the Lord."

I love President Uchtdorf!  He just really gets me and I love it.  I know that the Lord knows best and that He has a divine plan for everyone, but sometimes it's hard for me to have the patience that is required.  This talk has helped me to remember how important it is to have patience and so patience I will have!

The results are in

Well yesterday was the big day!  I went to the hospital for a couple of tests to find out what's going on with my baby making situation.  I had a hysteroscopy done (where they put a camara into my uterus and take pictures) and last minute they decided to add a hysterosalpingogram (dye is put through the falopian tubes to see if there is any damage/blockage).  Thanks to lots of prayers and good doctoring this procedure was able to be completed.  Thank you everyone who has supported Jared and I!  We are so appreciative to every one of you! :) 
So this is how the day went:
Jared and I went to the hospital @ 9 am to check in.  The lady at the desk looked at me weird and accused me of showing up too early.  So I told her I could always leave and come back later if she wanted me to.  (Apparently my procedure was moved from 11 to 1 and whoever was supposed to inform me of this change did not.)  She told me that since I was here and I was safe that I should stay.  So they put me in a room... where I waited... and waited... haha Jared layed on the bed with me and we fell asleep for a couple of hours.  It was actually kind of nice.  We watched a little t.v. too and I'm pretty sure that it could be considered cruel and unusual punishment because like every other commercial somehow involved food which I wasn't allowed to have.  Around 11 my nurse came into my room and told me that she needed to put an IV in me.  Well my left arm has crappy veins and I tried to tell her so but she must have really wanted to poke me because she tried twice on my wrist.  After her two failed attempts and telling me that I have thick skin she gave up and said that she would let operation handle it.  At 1:00 transport came to my room and took me down to the first floor for surgery.  It was so cold!!  I think they kept it 40 degrees down there.  They were running behind down there so the nurse put an IV in (my right hand) and around 2:15 I got to meet the anesthesiologist.  They put a mask over my face w/ oxygen and told me that my hand w/ the IV was going to hurt for just a minute.  As soon as the nurse told me that the anesthesia was coming through the mask my hand started hurting worse than I've ever felt before and that's the last thing I remember before I woke up in recovery.  Apparently I like to talk a lot because I told the nurses about how "I was hit by a car when I was 4 and that I must be here for a reason because I was suppossed to die and I didn't" and so on and so forth.  I was pretty embarrased when I was coherent again and realized that I had been so chatty.  I spent about an hour in recovery before they took me back to my room where I was monitered for an hour and a half before they let me leave.
The doctor talked with Jared after the procedure and told him that it went very well.  He said that my uterus looks great but that the fallopian tube has a lot of damage/scarring and blockage.  Because of this I won't ever be able to have children the 'old fashioned way' but I am a good candidate for in vitro fertilization.  I have my follow up appt on Tuesday where I'm sure my doctor will give me some info. about it.  And then Jared and I will be on the search for a good doctor. :)  And maybe, just maybe I'll be pregnant before the year is out.  How cool would that be?!

Big sisters

In my experience, big sisters are always so very protective of their little siblings.  Especially our little sisters.  Us big sisters, we know everything.  We've already been down that road that you think you want to go down... we dated a guy just like the one that you think you know you're in love with and why can't you see that he's so bad for you?  OR we would NEVER date a guy like that and what are you thinking?! 
I've always been a little overboard protective of my sister just younger than me.  I'm not quite sure why, I just always have been.  Maybe it's because when we were little we shared a room so we spent a lot of time together.  Maybe it's because she always wanted to be like me.  I'm not quite sure what the reason is, but whatever the reason I just can't seem to help myself.  My sister and I have had some especially tough times together.  Luckily we've been able to get past those rough spots and are now the best of friends. 
I have a dear friend who is now going through kind of the same situations but different.  I've been thinking about her a lot and I really feel for her.  It's so hard to see our little sisters doing things that you know aren't things that they really want to do... trying to be something that they are not, and you can see that they hate themselves for it.  I love you my friend and I know that your sister will make it.  Especially since she has awesome you as an example to live up to. :)

Holes

I love this man

Whenever we go to the beach...

He digs a hole.

This is his best work yet.

By the time he was finished it was about 6 feet deep and 8 feet wide.

He's very proud of himself.

We plan on having more trips like this in the very near future.

Cravings

I am a lover of food.  It's true.  My entire life I have always wondered how anyone could ever be anorexic.  I couldn't do it.  I love food too much!  Well, it's actually a love/hate relationship.  I love to eat and would probably do it all the time if it didn't have any repercussions.  However, my voluptuous hips and thunder thighs are a daily reminder to me that I have to control myself.  But I can't seem to help myself around the foods that I constantly crave.

I've recently stumbled across these wonderful little things and ever since I can't seem to get enough of them.  These cheetos are something that I'm craving almost every day.  I dont' know what it is about them but they are just divine.  I tell everyone about them and when they try them they agree with me. 

Yep.  They're delicious.  And yes, I did eat a bag today.

This little beauty, to those of you who haven't had the privilege of meeting, is a crab rangoon.  I haven't been able to find these anywhere outside of STL... so I will continue to crave them until December when I visit my family for xmas.

These are the reasons I love living in Socal.  In-N-Out and Tommy's whenever I want them.  Especially for my late night cravings... which I don't have often, but it is soooo convenient that these places are open late!

I'm a french fry addict.  Sorry, get your own because this is the one thing that I never learned how to share.

I love love love cilantro, limes and avocado.  They are wonderful by themselves and together they are bliss.  Thank you cali for your awesome weather so I can get these all year long!  I just planted a lime tree about a month ago and I can't WAIT until I start getting my very own limes! :)

Best ice cream ever.

Yes, these are the cravings that I will probably carry with me for the rest of my life.  The things that I will never be able to say no to.. I might be able to avoid them for awhile but once there right there in front of me there's no going back.  It's like that friend you have.. I think we all have one.  The one you love so dearly but is just a bad influence on you in some way.  But once she knocks on your door you can't help but let her in for a while.

Yay for good days!

This whole week Jareds family has been out here in Cali for a family reunion.  His oldest bro. and 2 children are staying at our house and there is a trailer parked in my driveway where his next oldest sister and her family is staying so it has made for an interesting week so far... although not having a driveway doesn't bother me like I thought it was going to so that's good!  And the other 5 families are next door at the in-laws house.  I don't have a backyard anymore because it has been transformed and dubbed the 'dining area' complete with a tent, tables and chairs.  I've always had a hard time with things changing around me, especially when it's in my bubble, but suprisingly none of this has bothered me.  My brother in law even remembers to put down the toilet seat most of the time (which is a MAJOR peeve of mine, thanks mom) so that makes me happy.  The only thing that has sucked for this whole week is that I've had to work.  Stupid job.  BUT I have today off! :)  Today we are going to the beach.  I have a new swimsuit, I have my sunscreen, sunglasses and a book... now all I need is for the sun to come out.  Come on sun!  But this is how my day started.  Well, this actually started last night.  So last night when I got home I had a call from the insurance verifier with the hospital that I'm getting my procedure done at next week.  I went ahead and called her back but she was gone for the day so I left a message.  This morning she called me back and informed me that I have a deductible of $250 that I have to pay before they will do the test.... and... are you ready?...
drum roll please....

MY INSURANCE IS GOING TO COVER MY TEST 100%!!!!!! 

This is the best news EVER for me b/c these tests are expensive.  I looked around online and for me to get this test done would probably cost me a couple thousand dollars w/o insurance.  My insurance only covers 50% for infertility procedures so whoever did the coding for this test, I love them, I love them, I love them!  So now I know that today will be a good day.  My insurance rocks and not only do I get to sluff work, I get to go to the beach with all of Jareds family and lay out in the sun and play in the water and have a bonfire with smores.  Today is a good day. :)

The joys of commuting

The other day I was driving into work... well I guess I should say flying becuase that is more what my car does.  I make it fly down the road because I have a long drive.  I live about 30 miles from where I work and so my commute (if I drive the speed limit) takes about 40-45 minutes.  However, it NEVER takes me this long to get to work.  I generally make the trip in about 35 minutes.  I don't get to work 5-10 min. early, nope, I use this extra time for sleep. :)  Anyway, I was flying down the road past all the other slow pokes and as I was passing this small toyota I glanced over and had to laugh to myself.  This poor womans head was touching the ceiling of her car.  I really wanted to see how tall she was becuase she must have been very tall if her head was touching the ceiling... unless of course she had her chair up all the way.  But even when I put MY chair up all the way my head is far, far away from touching.  My friend suggested that maybe she was sitting on a stack of telephone books but I kind of doubt that she would really want to sit that high.
This got me thinking about other things that I have witnessed on my drive to work.  I've seen waaayyy to many scary accidents and now I don't wonder why Jared won't let me get a motorcycle... I've played chase with other drivers, both as the chaser and the chasee... but one other instance that really sticks out in my mind is this.  I was passing one of the freeway onramps when this crummy old van entered the freeway.  As we were driving alongside one another all of the sudden his hood popped up and covered his windshield!  I didn't know this could happen in real life!  I just thought it happened in movies like Tommy Boy.  Luckily the driver had his sense about him and quickly slowed and pulled to the side of the road out of traffic.  Disaster averted.  Man!  If this would have happened to me I really hope I would have been able to keep my cool like this guy did!  Another time I passed truck towing a popcorn machine.  Yeah... I took a picture on my phone b/c I didn't think anyone would believe me.  I would put it on here but I have no idea how to get it off my phone.  I'm a little technologically challenged that way.  Oh well.  I'll miss seeing things like this when I finally get to stop driving 70 miles a day... but I can't wait for that day to come.

Family

When I married Jared the conditions were as follows:  I had to move to California.  When we were dating I remember asking him, what if the girl that you want to marry doesn't WANT to move to California?  And his reply was... "Well, then I guess I can't marry her."  So I have accepted what I had to do in order to keep him all for myself but I really miss my family!  It's been 6 months since I saw them for Christmas and I'm really really starting to miss them a lot.  I mean, come on look at these people!  How can I NOT miss them?


                             They almost die going down hills...

They rock out with mops and brooms...

They go to Monster Jam...

They're really special fun :)

They order large quantities of food....

And they shower in the rain!

Who WOULDN'T want to hang out with these people?

I'm counting down the days until I get to see them again.

Baby Steps

Last week I had an ultrasound done and then met with my doctor to talk about the results of it.  He said that the lining of my uterus is a little thin but looks like it is big enough to carry a baby and he also said that I have a cist on my ovary.  I'm not worried about the cist because I know women get these all the time, but the doc wants to do a preop ultrasound in 6 weeks to make sure it is gone.  So we're moving on and he is getting authorization to do the Hysteroscopy.  I'm a little nervous but excited to be making some progress!

Stake Conf.

Last weekend our stake had stake conference.  Jared and I went to both the Saturday and Sunday session and I have to say that I think the Saturday session is so much more personal and almost even more spiritual than the Sunday session.  The message that I took out of the meetings was that we need to have full obedience, not partial obedience like so many of us have.  It really has me thinking.  What are the things that I struggle with?  What do I do only partially?  I could love my neighbor I little better... I could be a little more forgiving of others... I really should stop gossiping and I need to have a better vocabulary that has a few less words in it.  I've decided to make it my goal each and every day to be better at having full obedience... maybe I'll be able to perfect it one day... maybe... I think it's one of those things that is pretty much impossible to do, but hey, I can always have high hopes right?

Killer Klowns? I think not

One night when I was little, like 5 or 6 years old, my dad was watching a movie.  I can remember walking into the room and asking him what he was watching and he said it was a grown up movie that would scare me and to run off to bed.  Well, of course that intrigued me!  I always wanted to do the things I was told I couldn't.  So I walked down the stairs as if I was going to my bedroom and then sneaked back up and hid in a corner and watched part of the movie with him and was scared out of my wits.  Thinking back to the movie I can remember bits and pieces... I remember it was about clowns that came from outer space and that these clowns could do really freaky things, like eat people with shadow puppets and I remember there was one part where this man was walking outside of the circus tent and the clowns got his dog.  My whole life I have been terrified of this movie and I've hated clowns because of it. 
The other night Jared and I were at a friends house and for some reason this movie came up and he just happened to have it so he let us borrow it.  So yesterday (while it was still light outside) I opened up all of the windows and made the room bright so I could watch this movie.  I must admit that I'm a little embarrased because now I realize how ridiculous and cheesy this movie is.  It came out in 1988 and is classified as a comedy horror.  Yes, Killer Klowns from Outer Space is so ridiculous that it is kind of funny.  My whole life I've been afraid of a comdedy movie.  From the opening song to the last scene the movie is one ridiculous thing to the next.  The clowns even have guns that shoot popcorn that turns into small little monster clown things that eat people...  bottom line... I am no longer afraid of Killer Klowns and their circus tent spaceship.

Happy

The other day I was perusing some of my friends blogs and saw an entry that I really like so I'm totally going to copy! :)  I'm going to list 10 things that make me happy!  And then I'm going to remember this list and relish these wonderful things forever and ever every day.  (these aren't really in order of the happiness they bring to me, except for #1 :) )

10. I love love love to climb into my bed after I've washed the sheets and there all clean and soft, but even better when they are IRONED!  For those of you who have not had the delightful opportunity to climb into some clean ironed sheets you have to give it a go at least once!

9. There is something wonderful about going on vacation and then coming home to a clean house.  I love when I walk in the door and everything is in its perfect place and clean.  Well... I guess it's really nice to walk into a clean house every day... so I guess I just like a clean house period. :)

8. Jared isn't much of a romantic but when he does do something like write me a letter or surprise me with flowers I get warm fuzzies all over.  He's no poet and he really hates writing, so when I get that letter for the year, or note for the decade it about makes my month I'm so happy!

7. Vacations make me so so happy!  I love to go somewhere and relax and play and not have to worry about the day to day duties and stresses of life!  Whether it's riding quads at Glamis or visiting family in the many diff. places they live or just Jared and I exploring the world... it really doesn't matter what we're gone doing, just as long as we're GONE!   I'm game to just shut the phones off and pretend that nothing but this bliss exists. 

6. My Family is something that makes me happy... most of the time, haha j/k!  I love that I get to go back to STL every year and spend Christmas with my family.  I love that I get to live next door to the best in-laws in town.  And I LOVE that I'm actually friends with my brothers and sisters now!  And most of all I love love love my own little family that I get to see every day.  I have the most wonderful husband in the whole entire universe and our kitty is the cutest ever. :)

5. I'm kind of embarassed to admit this one... but yes, food makes me happy.  It seems like there is nothing better than eating a frozen treat on a hot day or drinking a cup of hot chocolate while there is a blizzard going on outside.  Popcorn goes with movies and beef jerky and licorice with road trips.  I love to bake and cook up lots of tasty things and I feel so proud when someone compliments my meal.  When I'm happy I like to eat and when I'm sad, food just seems to take the edge off of things and make me feel a little bit happier.  So yes... food does make me happy.

4. I think I have some of the best Friends around and they always make me happy.  From my very best friend in the whole world that i was lucky enough to marry, to the friends I work with, to the friends that live far away.  I'm not a very good long distance friend, but I've been trying hard lately to be a better one and I love how my very true friends, I can just talk to like we haven't been apart at all.  I think I'm truely a lucky girl to have some of the best friends around.

3. Okay, I'm going to sound like a dork now... but reading a good book makes me feel happy.  I love finding a good book that I just don't want to put down.  Like... the Twilight series... I know, I know, I avoided it for so long but I absolutely LOVED reading those books.  I finished all four of them in a matter of um... less than 3 weeks.  Woops!

2. I love when I get Compliments.  Doesn't everyone love that though?  Especially if your having one of those days where nothing is going as planned and you wish you never forced yourself out of the warm comfy bed.  To have someone give me a compliment on my gloomy days is like having the sun come out from behind the clouds.  It really just brightens my day and significantly improves my outlook on life.  All because someone observed something good about me and decided to be nice enough to tell me about it. :) 

1.  Most of everything else though Jared makes me happy.  I really don't know how I could possibly be as happy as I am now if I didn't have him in my life.  He does pretty much everything right and is always there for me.  He makes me happy when I'm sad, deals with me when I'm grumpy (and can pretty much get the grump out of me if he wants to), plays with me when I'm hyper and he just always does whatever I want or need.  I love love love him and I'm so happy that he's the center of my life.

Next test please!

Yesterday I had a followup visit with my doctor re: the procedure that I attempted to have last week.  I had to meet with a different doctor because my doctor is going on vacation... and I think I actually like this guy better.  He reviewed all of my records and said he agreed that I needed to have the HSG test done but decided that he wanted to try and dilate me right then to see if it would be possible, because if it isn't then he didn't want to waste time trying to get that test done again.  I'm really grateful that he had that insight because sure enough, he couldn't get me dilated AT ALL.  He said that there are too many adhesions right at my cervix and so there is no way he was going to get me dilated.  So we crossed the HSG test of the list and he wants me to come in 2 weeks from now to get an ultrasound done.  He's also getting preauthorization from my insurance to do a Hysteroscopy.  I'm kind of nervous but hopeful that they can do this test.  For this test they will sedate me and then inject my lower half with Lidocaine so that they can hopefully this time dilate my cervix and then they'll put a camara up there to see what all my insides looks like.  It's too bad I won't be awake b/c I think it would be way cool to see what it all looks like.  :)  Ooohhh wellll.  At least there was a little progress made!... kind of.

Circles

Yesterday I went to the hospital to get my test done aaaaaannnnndddd they couldn't do it. 

They TRIED..... But to no avail.

I got to the hospital at noon and they called me back about 45 minutes later, I was super bummed because they wouldn't let Jared come back with me.  I had to fill out some paperwork and then change into a gown and then do more waiting.  Finally at 1:30 they had me go into the X-Ray room and talked me through what they were going to do.  Then they had me lay down on the table.  I had to lay like when you get a pap smear (yuck! I hate when I the doctor has to get all up close and personal with my lady parts) and... well I'll spare the details, but basically the doctor couldn't get the tube far enough in my cervix to do the procedure.  The first time he got it to stay kind of and when the technician slide me up the table the stupid contraption got ripped out because she pulled me up to fast.  Then the second time they moved me slowly and it just kind of slid out.  GAH!!!!  It was definately not fun.  He said that because there is an adhesion between my cervix and the left horn of my uterus that my cervix is not big enough to get the tube in far enough for it to stay.  So now I have to go back to my doctor and figure something else out.  They said that sometimes during this procedure they will dilate the cervix but that an OBGYN has to do it because apparently that is not part of a radiologists forte.  I'm thinking this is what my doctor will have done because I guess this is the only test that can really tell whether or not an egg can attach to the uterine lining.  Plus, my doctor wants to get a picture of my whole uterus, which is why he didn't just do an ultrasound.  I'm trying to remember that patience is a virtue but it's really hard when I keep going in these circles that end me right where I started.  Hopefully I can get in with the doctor next week so that we can get something else scheduled. 

Fingers crossed!!!

Dear So and So

Today I am going to do a Dear So and So post.... the things I really wanted to but refrained myself from saying.

Dear Parents of the child that keeps screaming and running around,
I understand that it must be very difficult to be a parent and take your child to the grocery store with you... but grocery shopping is my me time and I really need you to silence your kid because he is seriously disturbing the peace.
Sincerely,
Frusturated in Produce

Dear Person that is never on time,
I realize that sometimes people run late because they were up too late so they slept though their alarm or something comes up last second that needs to be attended to... but it's starting to get ridiculous because now you are late every single day.  I have to just stand there and wait because I don't want to get into anything and then have you show up because then you're waiting on me, so instead I just wait.  Wasting perfectly good time.  I know it's because you were out partying last night and only got 3 hours of sleep.  Do you remember that you are 30 years old and that you shouldn't party like a 20 year old anymore?  ... I don't think you do.
Sincerely
Act your age

Dear Stomach,
Please let me know what I need to do in order to make you flat.  And please let what I need to do include eating french fries because they are my favorite and I don't know how I can live without them... and ice cream too.
Sincerely
Me

Alright, I think that's good for today.  If you have any Dear So and So's please share them!  I think they're super fun to read! :)

Hiking schmiking

Over the past month we've been buying things so that we can go hiking, but not just regular hiking, the backpack hiking where you take a big pack and a tent and sleeping back and sleep in the middle of nowhere.  Now we have our packs and a tent and Jared has everything he needs already and we're just going to borrow a sleeping bag for me because we're going overnight hiking this weekend!  I'm so excited and I can't wait!  I've done simple hiking before but never anything overnight.  I'm glad Jared's an Eagle Scout.  Maybe he'll teach me everything he knows and then I'll pretend like I'm one too.  I hope I love it because I think I want to make this one of my new hobbies. :)

In-N-Out

I have a really bad weakness for In-N-Out.  If ever I'm invited to go, I go.  If Jared and I are out and about and it's time to eat, to In-N-Out we go.  Everytime we go I always get a cheeseburger with lettuce and extra tomato only, french fries, and a water with no ice.  Very particular I know, but I figure if I get the cheeseburger without the sauce that I have now made it a healthy burger.  I have my dairy, veggies, protein, and carbs all in one very delicious burger.  Now the french fries are a different story I realize... there really is no way to make these deep fried delicatessens healthy for me, but I don't dip them in ketchup so that's good right?  And I never get them animal style (although they have to be tried animal style at least once in your lifetime.)  I accept that they will never be good for me but I still can't help but order them everytime I go.  My meal just doesn't seem complete without them.  And finally I get my water without ice in it because my teeth are sensitive and it hurts to drink water when it's too cold.
So lately I've been feeling like I've been missing something in my life, and today I realized that something is In-N-Out.  It's been about a month since I had it last so of course I had to have it for lunch today and I have to say that it was very divine.  It was exactly the taste that I wanted to have in my mouth.  Do you know what I mean?  Sometimes I just want to have a particular taste in my mouth and when I get it right it makes me so happy!  So now I'm going to have to go running tonight to work off my very delicious lunch.  Was it worth it you ask?  Yes, yes it was.

I retract my previous opinion.. kind of

I've had this opinion about Twilight.  This opinion is that I think it's retarded.  People have become overly obsessed with the movies and books and turned into Twitards that would like nothing more than to have a vampire boyfriend... and these people have created things like Team Edward and Team Jacob (really?).  Now because of the aforementioned I have refused to have anything to do with Twilight.  Well... Twilight was on T.V. this past weekend and I finally decided to give it a chance.  I always kind of thought that once I saw it that I would like it... and I was right, I enjoyed the movie so much that I have plans to go buy the book. 

However....

I, Jessica Barney, do hereby solemly swear that I will never become a Twitard.
Signed, Jessica

Time

Time can be a funny thing.  Sometimes it goes by so quickly and other times it just seems to drag on.  I remember when I was in elementary school the weekends seemed so long.  Then as I got into highschool they went much too fast.  The school year used to take forever to finally end and summer left too soon.  I remember always wanting to be older than I was and it seemed like ages before I finally turned 16, the year I coveted because I could start dating and get my driver's license.  I thought it doesn't get much better than this right?  Then I...

• got a job
• graduated highschool
• moved to Utah
• met Jared
• married Jared...

and I can't help but keep wondering what has happened to the last 3.5 years of my life. I know I've had fun. I know I've accomplished a lot of things. But in comparison to the rest of my life, time has turned into this lightening round that I feel like I can barely keep up with. Before I know it it's the beginning of a new year again, it's already my birthday again, and I feel like 'didn't we just have Christmas?' by the time it's Christmastime again. I want to unwrap the mystery of time so that I can figure out how to slow it down a little bit. I want to feel like I can relish each moment before I move on to another. I want to feel like my evenings are long and relaxing, not short and hectic. I want to have time to do anything and everything I want... maybe I just need to quit my job, haha.

The visit

Yesterday I went to see my doctor and this is how it went.  He brought me into his office and we went over my operation report line by line and he explained everything that the doctors had done.  He showed me pictures as he was explaining and went very slowly so that I understood everything.  And when he was finished he asked me if I understood everything we went over.  Then he told me what it means.  He said that the uterus is made of what they call 2 horns.  Both of these horns have to communicate with the cervix in order for me to get pregnant and my left one is not.  Basically this means that I can't get pregnant.  I do still have my right ovary so he is going to order the hysterosalpingography (the dye test) and that will show how much uterus that I have to see if I can do in vitro fertilization.  Jared and I are hopeful that we will be good to go for IVF.  I'm just really anxious to find out.  Hopefully my insurance approves the test fast so this ball can get rolling!  Because I am ready to be a momma!  I just keep running into these dang road blocks.  Stupid road blocks!!!

Today is the day

Today is the day I go to the doctor.

Today is the day he will look at my old charts and tell me what he thinks.

Today is the day I hear the next step.

Back on the wagon

This year one of my new years resolutions is to run a half marathon.  I was training really well up until I hurt myself at the beginning of February.  I think I gave myself shin splints from trying to do too much too fast.  I tried to run it out but that just made it worse so I haven't been running at all for the past month and a half.  Every now and then I try to start up again but then I hurt again so I gave myself plenty of time to heal.  Well, tonight I'm getting back on the wagon and I'm going to start running again.  My half marathon is on June 5th so I still have all of April and May to train.  Hopefully it's enough time!  I'm so mad that I hurt myself because I was up to 6 or 7 miles and running a little faster 9:30 min/mile... :(  so I'm super bummed because I would have been totally prepared for this race.  I know I'll be able to finish the race no matter what, I'm not worried about that, I just really wanted to finish in less than 2 and a half hours.  Oh well... we'll see what happens.  Hopefully I can have a productive 2 months and kick some butt at the half.