25

Last month I turned 25.  This birthday was very weird for me because I wasn't looking forward to it at all.  25 feels old.  I've never felt old on any of my birthdays before.  I've decided that 25 is one of those years.  One of those years where you reflect on the goals you thought you would have accomplished at this point in life.  You reflect on what you've done with your life and where you are compared to where you thought you would be back when you were a kid.  For me, I thought that I was going to be married (which I am) to a doctor (which I'm not) and that my husband would be over 6 feet tall (he's 5'10 or 11'') have brown hair (it's blonde) and brown eyes (they're blue/green).  I thought I would have children, a girl that I was going to name Summer Lily and then twin boys, one named Michael Andrew and the other Brian Isaac.  Then I was going to adopt a little girl from Russia and I was going to name her Katya if she needed a name.  

It's funny how very off I was about my future.  I didn't marry the type of guy I thought I was going to, and honestly I am so very grateful that I didn't.  I am so needy when it comes to spending time together with Jared and if he would have been a doctor, then he would have had hardly any if any time for me at all.  I've decided that I love his blonde hair and he has some of the most rad eyes I've seen in my entire life.  And I don't mind that he isn't a giant because it's easier for me to give him kisses.

I didn't think that I would be living in California.  I guess I never really thought about where I would be living, but I always thought that I would live close to my family, which I do not.  

Tomorrow I will have been 25 for one month.  This whole time I have spent reflecting on how things didn't turn out the way I thought they would.  I've allowed myself to be upset by this until just recently.  Something happened that really opened my eyes and I now realize just how lucky I am that life hasn't turn out the way I thought it might.  Jared was worthy to take me to the temple.  He has a great family that loves me and mine loves him.  He's a builder and a fixer and a doer.  He is constantly creating new projects for himself and is a winner every day.  He has some great self esteem and passes it on to me and he openly tells me every day that he loves me.  He is my rock in every way possible and winning his heart is one of the greatest things that I have ever accomplished.  So what if I don't have kids yet?  I will one day.  Whether I have them myself or have to adopt them, I will have them.  I'm still young and I have plenty of time to be a mom.  It's okay that things aren't happening on my immature timeline... in fact, I think I'm pretty lucky that they aren't because it's given me even more time to have Jared 

all to myself. 

=)