Happy birthday baby

Dear Michael,

I can't believe it's already been a whole year since we lost you.  A lot has been going on down here, but you're still on my mind every day.  I remember the day you were born so well it's almost like it was just last week.  Daddy held you in his hands and looked at you with so much love in his eyes.  He didn't want to give your little body back to the nurse.  I wish I would have held you... I wish I would have looked at you a little longer... maybe it's better that I didn't.  Your earthly body was in pretty bad shape and this way I only remember your perfections.  We bonded differently, you and I, and I'll always have that.

It's been hard not having you around.  I think of you every day, but mostly at night time, or early in the morning when I'm rocking Wyatt.  I bet you would have liked rocking in that rocking chair with me.  I'm a pretty good rocker.  It makes me sad that I'll never get to snuggle with you, but I just try to remind myself that you are in a better place. 

There are little things around the house that remind me of you, but it's in a happy way, like the Willow Tree family your daddy gave me for Valentines day.  And I often look at Wyatt and wonder how alike you two would look if you were still here.  I can tell you love your brother so much!  I can sometimes feel your presence around him.  The first few months of his life I could feel you around him all the time. You aren't around as much as you used to be, but maybe that's just because Heavenly Father needs you more than Wyatt does now.  You are such a good brother for being there for Wyatt when he needed you.  Thanks for being a big boy and watching out for your little brother.

A few weeks ago daddy took me out riding in Glamis to the place where we wanted to spread your ashes.  For awhile now I've been questioning whether or not I wanted to go through with it.  When we got there daddy and I looked at eachother and decided we want to keep you at home with us.  Spreading your ashes just feels so final.  Even though you aren't here with us, I want to always feel like your spirit is.  One night while daddy and I were in Glamis we looked up to see chinese sky lanterns in the sky.  As I watched those little lanterns float through the air I thought of you.  So every year for your birthday, we're going to send off one sky lantern for how many years old you are.  Since you aren't here to make your wish, I'll make one for you, I'm pretty sure I know what you would wish for.

Happy birthday baby,
Mommy loves you.