Worst mom ever

Last night I asked the attending if Wyatt could have a bath.

He hasn't had a proper cleaning in his entire 19 days of life and he kind of smells, so I thought it would be a good idea for him to get one.

She said she didn't see why not, but wanted to have a small part of his skin tested out before, and if he didn't have a reaction to the wipes after a few hours, that it would be okay to clean him.

Well, apparently he didn't have a reaction, so he got a "bath" with the baby bath wipes.

I spoke with his nurse when I got up to pump at 4:30 this morning and she said that he was doing pretty good and that the bath didn't seem to affect his skin.

Today I got to the hospital late because I had a Dr.'s appt with my OBGYN to check my c-section scar.  {I'm healing very well by the way and I've been given permission to start doing light activities} When I came in, his nurse and a couple of other nurses were changing the dressings on his pic line.  When I got closer, I heard Wyatt crying... and when I got even closer, I saw his poor little hand.

When the nurses were changing the dressings that were securing the pic line they had to hold his hand and arm straight and still so the pic line didn't get pulled out.  The little bit of pressure on his skin, plus him trying to move his arm while it was held, made all the skin on his hand slough off. :'(

My heart broke when I saw this and when I saw the pain in his face.  I wish I could take away his hurt.  I wish I could make his skin better.  I wish I knew what to do.  SOMEthing that I could do... Anything.  I hate feeling this helpless.

After his arm was bandaged back up I asked if I could help aquaphor his body up because his skin was pretty dry.  His nurse said yes and then told me that he isn't allowed to have baths until further notice.  She then showed me little areas on his legs and chest and arms where little bits of skin had sloughed off.  She and the wound specialist aren't sure what exactly is making him slough, whether there was a chemical in the cleaning wipes, or if the nurse cleaned him too roughly, or if he wasn't properly lubed up afterwards... they just don't know, so they aren't allowing anymore baths.

I feel like the worst mom on the whole planet because I'm the one who asked for him to have a bath.  I KNOW it's not my fault that his skin is sloughing, but I FEEL like it's my fault.  If I wouldn't have brought up him having a bath, his skin wouldn't be sloughing off.

This little boy is just trying so hard to heal up his skin and every time a part of his skin starts looking a little better {like his foot} something else happens.  Today has definitely been the worst set back in his skin, but if I know my little man he'll have his hand starting to look better within a couple of days.  He's so awesome.

Speaking of awesome, I want to add that my Jarebear is awesome.  I sent him a book of a text earlier today and his response to me was this:

"We will get throught this tough time and we will be better because of it.  I love you."

Thank you Jared... you couldn't have said it better.